If it were all up to me...

Paper towel holders would dispense exactly 3 towels to dry your hands in the public restroom.  It is, in fact, the perfect amount for drying hands.  Just try it.

Working out wouldn't be so much work.

Everyone would write in pen.  Don't you just hate those smudgy pencil marks too?  Writing in pen requires some serious commitment to whatever it is you are writing.

Milk would never spoil.

I could close my eyes and disappear.

Chocolate would be calorie-free and remain just as delicious.

No one would work on snowy days.

My sewing machine would never eat my projects.

Boise State football would forever be undefeated and coach Pete would never age (this one's for Kyle).

Doing nothing wouldn't be so exhausting.

A Thanksgiving Tribute

This Thanksgiving I would like to add someone new to my list of people I admire.  Who is this person of interest?  None other than financial genius, Warren Buffett.  I do not claim to be an expert on Warren Buffett or his principles, but so far every time I learn something about him or from him, I like it.  A lot. 

The man is worth over $62 billion dollars yet maintains personal frugality.  He reportedly does not carry a cell phone, doesn't have a computer at his desk, and drives his own car.  He still lives in the same house he bought in the 1950s. 

He is a witty old man and has some pretty great quotes, as follows:

"I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me."


"Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars."

"Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked."

"Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1."

"You do things when the opportunities come along. I've had periods in my life when I've had a bundle of ideas come along, and I've had long dry spells. If I get an idea next week, I'll do something. If not, I won't do a damn thing."

"You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong."


So this Thanksgiving, among the many more important things I am thankful for, I also express thanks for Warren Buffett who makes me laugh and inspires me to be frugal.  If only one day it will pay off... in billions...

How to be a Boise State Fan

This is Kyle.  Kyle loves Boise State football.

This is Kourtney.  She married Kyle and therefore promised to love Boise State football too.

Together they are the Posts and they will witness the slaughtering of the Idaho Vandals' football team by the Boise State Broncos.

This is Boise in November.  It is very, very cold.  And windy.

This is Kourtney at the football game.  It is hard to tell that she is so cute and festive under all those layers: short sleeve shirt, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, jersey, father-in-law's winter coat, leggings, jeans, knee-high socks, thick wool socks, knee-high boots, ski gloves, hat, scarf, sunglasses, hand warmers inside boots.  The layers are key to staying warm at a Boise football game.  Take note.

In order to stay warm the entire game, be sure to bring a spouse to cuddle with.  Especially one that will buy you hot chocolate in the third quarter.

You must also participate in unhealthy excesses of cheering.  When sitting at the very top of the stadium, you must cheer very loud, pretending that the players can hear you.  This is not unlike the cheering that may take place at home on a Saturday afternoon.  Also when the players cannot hear you. (Kyle would like you to know that this photo was taken long before the game started.  People do actually come to Boise State football games.  A lot of people, in fact.)

This is the blue turf.  Home of many victories.

This is what happens to Kourtney's hair after a Boise football game.  Clearly there was no point in spending a half hour styling before the game.

After surviving the frigid victory, Kyle and father enjoy sports from the comfort and warmth of home.  They would stand here for hours if they could.

May God bless the Boise State Broncos.

The Pains of Modern Chivalry

Working at the headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a lot like any other corporate workplace.  Except for the fact that all the men wear white shirts and ties, all the women wear skirts and nylons, most meetings begin with prayer, and men go out of their way to open doors for you (if you're a woman).

So chivalry is not dead.  At least not around here.  This would be really great except I don't know what to do with it and when faced with such kind gestures, it tends to create awkward situations for yours truly.  Allow me to explain.

Exhibit A: Walking into my building I see through the glass doors that a man already inside the building has hurried to open the door for an elderly woman who was walking in.  Well, I am about 50 steps behind this elderly woman and he just stands there holding the door.  For me?  I guess so.  Not wanting to be rude, I am forced to break into my half-shuffle-half-run-in-heels while balancing my 5 lb. purse and Wal-mart sack of lunch food all the while eying the gentleman at the door to see if he really is waiting for me.  (I'm very graceful, I know).  Couldn't he just shut the door and let me help myself into the building?  I may not look it, but I really am quite capable.

Exhibit B: Picture this - I'm in the back of an elevator full of men in suits.  The elevator stops at the main level where everyone is getting off and they all wait for me to get off first.  I stand in the corner behind a dozen men while the door opens and everyone stares, waiting for me to make my move.  Ok, I understand the "ladies first" rule, but there has to be some exceptions; the lady can't get off until you move your manly behind out of her way.  It was a nice thought though.

Exhibit C: I'm headed to a meeting with laptop, battery charger, mouse, planner, and notepad in my arms.  A man I do not know kindly asks to carry my things.  I am surprised!  Shocked!  Uncomfortable! Caught off guard!  I mumble some kind of verbal gratitude and an "I'm just fine, thanks" only to stumble away awkwardly as I drop most of my armful of office supplies. 

I forsee two possible solutions to my dilemma of personal awkwardness: either men in the world learn the finer parts of being a gentleman, or the men around this office just need to relinquish their acts of chivalry and let me be independent.

Chivalry - the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms. Also, the act of creating complicated and/or awkward situations for the socially independent female of the 21st century.

For the record, Kyle is truly a gentleman and I love him for it.

Domestic Domination Followed by a Minor Social Set-back

First of all, I made these most delicious muffins today.  They are called French Breakfast Muffins.  Aren't the French wonderful?  French toast, French bread, French fries...  is there anything they don't cook well?  At any rate, my muffins were amazing.  They were even just as good in batter form as they were cooked.

To top off my night of domestic domination, I attended a Relief Society activity in which we made decorative tiles. 

Like this.

Really though, it doesn't take much skill to cut a piece of paper and glue it to a tile.  But I think it turned out rather nice, nonetheless.

It was at said Relief Society activity that I noticed a significant flaw in married-folk small talk.  You see, when you are single, and meeting fellow single people for the first time, you are expected to ask the obligatory get-to-know-you questions such as "are you going to school?" "what are you studying?" "where do you work?"  "what do you like to do?"  "where are you from?"  It occured to me that such questions just don't feel appropriate when my audience consists of grandmotherly women and motherly women with their very own houses with mortgages and babies and all sorts of things I just can't relate to.  I felt ever so challenged in meeting new people because I have not yet mastered the married-folk small talk.  I mean, what am I supposed to ask now?  "what yeast do you recommend for baking bread?"  "do you buy Pampers or Huggies?"  "do you prefer 1% or skim?" 

Let's face it, I just don't know how to talk to grown-ups.

The Beehive State

I came across this site that had a list of some of the unusual laws in Utah.  I was particularly amused with the following:

It is a crime to curse on a bus.

After experiencing UTA firsthand, I sincerely doubt this has ever been enforced.

Discriminating unfairly in the purchase of milk, cream or butterfat is a crime. 

What is most disturbing to me about this law is the subject of butterfat.  Seriously?  Butterfat?  I cringe.

(Google tells me this is a poultry inspector)

Prosecutors can seek death for anyone who kills an on-duty poultry inspector. 

The life of an on-duty poultry inspector appears to be quite treacherous.

A drive-by shooting could get you five years in jail and a $5,000 fine, but you could spend 15 years in prison and pay $10,000 for altering the license plate stickers on your car. 

What if the drive-by shooting resulted in the killing of an on-duty poultry inspector? What then?!?

You must yield to birds while driving on the highway. 

Perhaps it is the on-duty poultry inspector who enforced this law, before he was killed in a drive-by shooting.

 First cousins may marry, but only if they are beyond child-bearing years.

Because that would eliminate the creepiness of it all?

It is slander - punishable by up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine - to falsely accuse a female of being unchaste.

Lesson to be learned: do not call a girl a hussy unless you are, in fact, sure that she is a hussy.

A Cautionary Tale

I'll be the first to admit that I do not have the most attractive feet; they're big and wide and crooked. I did, however, get a pretty awesome pedicure just before our wedding. Orange glitter gel toes!  Call me a pedicure novice, but I did not know that these gel toes are practically indestructible!  When I had them done, I was told that nail polish remover would not get them off, but they just need to be filed and the gel coating will crumble right up.  So last night I decided it was time to be done with the orange toes and I filed and filed and filed... for 20 minutes I filed my left big toenail. 

And now my toes look like this!  Horrifying, I know.  At least it is winter and I can hide my hideous toes in boots and winter socks until I go back to the salon with my damaged pride, begging someone to fix the ugly.

From the Future

Today I discovered that you can schedule a post to be posted in the future!  Isn't that exciting?  When I was in kindergarten (circa 1988) we were asked to draw pictures of what we thought the year 2000 would be like.  The winner became a published artist in the Corvallis Gazette Times.  Very prestigious.  I remember being rather disappointed when I didn't win.  I also vaguely remember dreaming up ideas of floating cars and space houses in the year 2000.  How disappointing to not be so advanced in our present day. 

In case you haven't noticed, we are nearing the end of 2009 and (to my knowledge) we do not live in space houses nor market floating cars.  BUT we can, oh yes we can, post things in the future!  My dear friends this is coming to you in the future, as I will be living it up in Boise, Idaho when this is posted. 
Blessed technology.

Guilty Pleasures

From ChaCha: A guilty pleasure is known as something one considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. Often, the "guilt" involved is simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes.

I confess. I have some rather lowbrow tastes.  In reality tv.  Kyle's theory is that women are drawn to reality tv because of the drama; women love drama.  On the other hand, I feel there's just something about watching others' lives unfold (often in embarassingly tragic ways) that makes the mundane details in our own lives seem more interesting.  Sometimes I see pieces of myself in these people, allowing me to study myself, through them.  And isn't it so fun to be the subject of your own self-psychoanalysis? Or maybe I do just love the drama.

Allow me to illustrate:

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

I think I'm hooked because of Kourtney, who's name is spelled just as mine!  AND she has a sister named Kim, and so do I!  She must be my ethnic alter-ego.  There's also the LA boutique, which is something I've always wanted to have.  Only not in LA.

The City

My fascination with The City is probably connected to my early college dreams of moving to New York to pursue a career in fashion.  It reminds me that I made a conscious decision to do different things with my life, and that I'm really, really quite happy, thank you. 

But what if I had moved to "the city?"... 

And that, my friends, is what keeps me watching.

Say Yes to the Dress

My very first most favorite job was working for a bridal salon in Loveland, Colorado.  In fact, I would probably still be there if it hadn't gone out of business.  While nothing like Kleinfelds, this little salon was Loveland's own little haven of taffeta, tulle, tears, and tantrums.  In fact, I first became interested in fashion as a high school junior, dreaming of one day owning my very own bridal shop.  Well, there you go.

 

 America's Next Top Model

 No, I do not have aspirations to become a model, expecially not a "top model."  I've thought long and hard about why I love ANTM... and I really can't pinpoint the reasons.  Maybe its my natural weakness for a good makeover show?  Or because Suzi and I love to make fun of Tyra?  My inherent love for all things fashionable? 

Hm...  this has me rather perplexed.

 

The Good News:  I do not often subject my sweet husband to reality tv and try to only indulge in these guilty pleasures when I'm home on a Saturday afternoon folding laundry.

We watch mainly 3 things in our house: The Office, Conan, and ESPN.  Oh but marriage has a way of keeping things balanced, don't you think?

I'm Kind of a Jerk

I hate sharing elevators.  (Perhaps this is related to my minor fear of being trapped in one?) If possible, I will do everything I can to be the only one on the elevator.  It's awful, I know, and I really should repent. 

Why this makes me kind of a jerk:

1. I'm ashamed to admit, but if I've stepped into the elevator and I hear you coming, I will probably push the "door close" button and pretend I got a text message and just didn't see you in time to hold the elevator for you.
2. My worst ploy is when I see you and "rush" to push the door open button but the doors just happen to close before you can get on.  Oops! I must have pushed the wrong button. I'm so sorry.
3. If you get on the elevator only to get off one floor later, I will probably roll my eyes at you behind your back.
4. Whatever you do, do not push the wrong floor number causing us to stop needlessly at a floor where no one is waiting to get on.  I may chuckle lightheartedly on the outside, but really I'm glaring at you from within.

You see?!? I really am a jerk.  I'm sorry to have destroyed your image of me.  I do hope to make amends.  Can you ever forgive me?

How TV Used To Be

You know, TV just isn't what it used to be.  You don't believe me?  Let me take you back to the late 1980's...

Doogy Howser

Isn't he dreamy?!? I seriously had the biggest crush on Doogy.  When I was 6.  But tell me, who wouldn't fall for a 14-year-old pubescent surgeon?  I think he's gay now.

ALF

How the heck did this show last 4 years?!?!  Ok, so I watched ALF and I loved it too.  But I was 6 and 6-year-olds are supposed to love cuddly aliens that crash land into suburban homes.  And they called this a sitcom?  At least Doogy was cute.

Jem and the Holograms

PLEASE tell me you remember Jem too!!  She rocked my world.  Jem was like Barbie only cooler, edgier, and with her own TV show and backup singers.

Perfect Strangers

I'll be honest, I was probably too young to really get any of the humor out of Perfect Strangers.  But who didn't love the quirky Balki and his silly dance?  I rather enjoyed his accent too... wherever it was he was supposed to be from...

She-Ra

The twin sister of He-Man, She Ra was like the bad-a version of Jem.  I once pretended to be She-Ra and got punched in the stomach by He-Man (aka Scott Lathen).  I'm pretty sure it only made me stronger, just like She-Ra.  Seriously though, who came up with these names?  He-Man?  Seriously? Kids today would never go for that.

Unreasonable Fears

I have some ridiculous fears.  Don't you have some too?  I manage them with healthy doses of chocolate.  Also ginger ale, when appropriate.

Elevators

Its true, I ride an elevator every day.  Sometimes dozens of times in a day.  But I still hate it.  I especially hate the "express" elevator that skips the first 14 floors at light speed only to make you nauseas when finally arriving at the 26th floor.  My worst fear?  The elevator cables snap just before reaching the 26th floor only to plummet its passengers hastily to the basement.  Yes, now you are afraid too.

The Moth

Really, do these even serve a purpose in life but to torment mankind?  I think they are horrid.  I hate them because they're unpredictable and they fly in your face and I'm pretty sure they feed on your hair while you're sleeping.  They also smell awful when they get caught in lamps and burn.  Ew.

Flying

I'm an adult.  I should be able to do this.  But seriously, every time I get on a plane I panic.  Turbulence?  Don't even get me started on turbulence.  My only solace is that complimentary beverage.  For some reason I'm always at ease once I get my can of ginger ale.  Its like a gentle reminder that I've done this before and I've survived every time.

Lakes

I'm convinced that lakes are lined with dead bodies and fish that want to eat your flesh.  I especially hate that mushy mud-like mixture that squeezes between your toes when you walk along the bottom.  Oh and then those plants lurking beneath just waiting to latch onto you.  While this fear does not stop me from participating in lake activities, just beware that when I jump in, I will have a panic attack and my feet will be sticking out of the water

Spiders

I can't even look at this picture it is so freaky.  I know that there are millions of people who share my fear of spiders.  For those of you who are not yet afraid, just wake up one morning with one of these nasties crawling around under your shirt.  You will never be the same.  Yeah, that happened to me.