Since I got locked out of the house in my underwear back in April of last year, none have my neighbors have said anything. Do you know why? Because they liked what they saw. I think they want more, so this year I might have to lay out in the FRONT yard and sunbathe.
Why do people like white farmer's-tanned bodies, you ask? Because they are SEXY!!
I know some of you might think, “Lying out in the sun is not a manly thing to do.” Well guess what? It can be because while I am laying there getting my suntan on I am thinking about tanks, mowing the lawn and what I would do if a guy who broke out of prison showed up in my front yard wanting to use my phone to call his ex-con brother. Planning to beat up an escaped convict is as manly as it gets. So what if I am getting a little color on my one pack-stomach? That is manly.
When I was in college I once went to a tanning salon with an old girlfriend. I got a sunburn on my butt and it hurt to sit down. I couldn’t even go to class. That was the only time I went tanning because it was at that moment I realized that men who use tanning beds are wieners. Real men tan naturally. In the sun. Period!