It's 7:10 AM, Do You Know Where Your Husband Is?

An actual account of what happened to Kyle at approximately 7:10am on April 23, 2010 (in his actual Kyle words):

I just got done shaving and was getting ready for work. All I had on was my underwear (oh sexy!) I notice my work clothes are a little wrinkled and I wanted to get the wrinkles out quickly so I went downstairs and put my clothes in the dryer.  I do this every morning because I just like to put on warm clothes. While I was downstairs, I decided I was going to go into the garage and write down the make and model of our sprinkler system because it had not been working and I wanted to do some research on it online when I got to work. I wrote down the make and model and quickly went back to the garage door to get into the house.

Except there was a problem.

Being a new house and only living there for 6 days, I did not know that the lock on the door in the garage to go into the house AUTOMATICALLY LOCKS when you close it. What idiot designed that?

So I was locked outside my house, inside the garage wearing nothing but my underwear. I had no keys to the house, no keys to my car, no cell phone and my wife had already gone to work. I was stuck. It was freezing butt cold outside. And of course my underwear had to be a mesh type fabric so it is see-through.

So my brain starts thinking about all those scouting trips and all the wilderness survival lessons we had because I didn’t know just yet what I was going to do.

Then I thought, I have five options:

1. I can take the chance of seeing if there is a window unlocked somewhere even though I remember locking every window. But to do this I will have to open up the garage door, be exposed to all of my neighbors and have rain dump on me while I am in my white mesh underwear and basically freeze my butt off and possibly take the chance that I will find no windows unlocked and return in shame only wearing (now wet) underwear.

2. Knock on my neighbor’s door (whom I have not yet met) in my underwear and ask to use their phone to call my wife.

3. Wrap up in a doormat inside the garage, climb in a garbage can and wait for my wife to come home in 8 hours.

4. Streak the neighborhood, get arrested and have the police take me to a warm jail.

5. Vandalize my own house by breaking a window or door to get back inside.

Those were my choices.

I chose to first start with option #1. 20 minutes later and going 0 for 4 in unlocked windows at the back of the house, I went to my last window in the front yard. It was unlocked!! Hooray! I took the screen off, opened the window and climbed into my house. Of course all the neighbors in my cul-de-sac had to be outside loading their kids up in their cars to take them to school. I never made eye contact. Hopefully they just thought I was “the underwear burglar” or something. If that window wasn’t unlocked it would have been a disaster to an already crappy situation. It was quite the morning!

Note to self: don’t do that again!

I literally laughed myself to tears when Kyle called me at work to tell me what happened.  Is it awful that a part of me wishes he didn't get in through the front window so he'd have to introduce himself to our neighbors wearing only his wet underwear?  Bahaha!