Friday, April 23, 2010

It's 7:10 AM, Do You Know Where Your Husband Is?

An actual account of what happened to Kyle at approximately 7:10am on April 23, 2010 (in his actual Kyle words):

I just got done shaving and was getting ready for work. All I had on was my underwear (oh sexy!) I notice my work clothes are a little wrinkled and I wanted to get the wrinkles out quickly so I went downstairs and put my clothes in the dryer.  I do this every morning because I just like to put on warm clothes. While I was downstairs, I decided I was going to go into the garage and write down the make and model of our sprinkler system because it had not been working and I wanted to do some research on it online when I got to work. I wrote down the make and model and quickly went back to the garage door to get into the house.

Except there was a problem.

Being a new house and only living there for 6 days, I did not know that the lock on the door in the garage to go into the house AUTOMATICALLY LOCKS when you close it. What idiot designed that?

So I was locked outside my house, inside the garage wearing nothing but my underwear. I had no keys to the house, no keys to my car, no cell phone and my wife had already gone to work. I was stuck. It was freezing butt cold outside. And of course my underwear had to be a mesh type fabric so it is see-through.

So my brain starts thinking about all those scouting trips and all the wilderness survival lessons we had because I didn’t know just yet what I was going to do.

Then I thought, I have five options:

1. I can take the chance of seeing if there is a window unlocked somewhere even though I remember locking every window. But to do this I will have to open up the garage door, be exposed to all of my neighbors and have rain dump on me while I am in my white mesh underwear and basically freeze my butt off and possibly take the chance that I will find no windows unlocked and return in shame only wearing (now wet) underwear.

2. Knock on my neighbor’s door (whom I have not yet met) in my underwear and ask to use their phone to call my wife.

3. Wrap up in a doormat inside the garage, climb in a garbage can and wait for my wife to come home in 8 hours.

4. Streak the neighborhood, get arrested and have the police take me to a warm jail.

5. Vandalize my own house by breaking a window or door to get back inside.

Those were my choices.

I chose to first start with option #1. 20 minutes later and going 0 for 4 in unlocked windows at the back of the house, I went to my last window in the front yard. It was unlocked!! Hooray! I took the screen off, opened the window and climbed into my house. Of course all the neighbors in my cul-de-sac had to be outside loading their kids up in their cars to take them to school. I never made eye contact. Hopefully they just thought I was “the underwear burglar” or something. If that window wasn’t unlocked it would have been a disaster to an already crappy situation. It was quite the morning!

Note to self: don’t do that again!


I literally laughed myself to tears when Kyle called me at work to tell me what happened.  Is it awful that a part of me wishes he didn't get in through the front window so he'd have to introduce himself to our neighbors wearing only his wet underwear?  Bahaha!

7 comments:

vickyj said...

We had a door like that. We put a spare key in the garage.

Kelli said...

Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! That's by the far the best thing I've heard all week. So sorry for Kyle, but that will be the best story to tell people when they ask about moving into your house. I nearly wet myself laughing!

Kellie said...

hil-AR-i-OUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO funny- I was literally laghing out loud! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elissa Cox, Realtor said...

I'm laughing so hard right now. I can't believe this happened...and that the neighbors were outside as he climbed into the window! Oh my goodness! I experienced one of those automatic locking backdoors this week too. (I was previewing houses for an out of town buyer) I was so flustered. But not as flustered as I would have been if I was in Kyle's situation!

Austin said...

Option 6: Run to work in your underwear and try to make it appear like nothing happened. Don't suggest doing it, but hey it is an option; however, a very bad one.
Thanks for sharing this comical story.

Abby said...

This makes my day!

Molly Cook said...

It's not bad for you to partly wish that. When I read that on Kyle's status, I partly wished that as well. That would have been a great end to a great story!