Before you go all Sarah Mclachlan on me, I assure you, I have tried.
Exhibit A: Dog
My earliest pet memory was Chester the border collie. I was about 4 years old when my parents broke the news that Chester had to go live a better, philanthropic life with a blind sheep herder. Years later I discovered there was, in fact, no blind sheep herder. Chester went to the humane society. Although, in my mom's defense, she still claims "Well, he certainly could have been adopted by a blind sheep herder!!"
(love you, mom)
Exhibit B: Cats
We later adopted brother and sister calico kittens (aptly named Callie and Cocoa). These were the best pets ever because they never came inside. They were outdoor cats (is that even allowed anymore?) and we would put food out for them every morning and they'd hang around the house and fight with raccoons. Sometimes my sisters and I would sneak the cats indoors just to see if we could fit our doll clothes on them. They loooooved playing dress up!
Exhibit C: Lizard
As a tender-hearted third grader, I volunteered to take home my school science project: the anole lizard. I did love Kirby, even though he may have lost a tail here or there and fed on crickets that terrorized my room at night. Eventually he had a tragic death (old age?) and I cried.
Exhibit D: Dog Part II
My parents went to Europe and I was left in the care of my older sisters. So, what did we do? Adopt a dog! Kaci the puppy turned into Kaci the horse-dog and proceeded to destroy everything in our house: Christmas ornaments, furniture, laundry, etc. One day my mom gave up and returned Kaci to the humane society. No one noticed for three days.
Exhibit E: Rabbit
My college roommate decided one day that we needed a pet. So we went pet shopping and decided to come home with a tiny rabbit we named Bella. The rabbit was small, but not for long. And you know, "people" say you can house train rabbits but I just don't believe it. That rabbit pooped on everything! Turns out our landlord (the roommates dad, of all people) was not pleased with the rabbit in our house so an ex-boyfriend offered to babysit her until I moved out. I never retrieved the rabbit. I hear she grew to epic proportions.
So you see, I've not had very much luck with pets. I can't relate to Kyle's treasured stories of his childhood dog, and I didn't cry at the end of Marley & Me. And while I desperately love my sister's Yorkie with all my heart and think a Westie would be adorable, I know myself and my weaknesses. I am just not a good pet person.
On the plus side, we do have a down comforter that sheds tons of tiny goose feathers that make us feel more like pet owners. And I'm okay with that. The comforter doesn't bark, eat obnoxious crickets, or poop all over everything.