Monday, September 13, 2010

How to Survive Football Season

we found this on our wedding day.  i believe it to be an omen of good fortune.

My friends, it is no secret that my husband loves sports.  To the extreme.  Extreme as in our wedding day and colors were a reflection of the Boise State football program.  Extreme as in our first born son will be named after a Boise State quarterback.

This sports fanaticism bothers me little except when Project Runway is on.  Or I need a back scratch.  Because in the sacred order of all things married, football apparently out-ranks Project Runway.  And back scratches.  However, this is all fine and well when you remember that football season produces a very happy and energetic husband. 

It is my advice to learn to deal with it, because fighting it just doesn't ever end well.  And for all you who are also married (or soon to be married!) to football fanatics, I give you my guide to surviving football season:

1.  If possible, purchase your husband his own TV to go in a room far away from you.

2.  Use his newly directed attention to your advantage.  For example, this would be a good time to spring unpleasant things on him because he is not really listening to you anyway.  Accidentally dropped your cell phone in the toilet?  Mention it casually (when his team is winning) in between plays and when his attention is most focused on the game.  He will likely respond with a blank nod and possibly a wave of the hand.

3.  Turn football TV time into a bargaining chip.  For example: "You can watch four hours of football if you will watch The Notebook with me tomorrow night.  And scratch my back."  After all, it's only fair.

4.  Watch and listen to him closely during intense moments of the game and document them via a public blog for you to giggle about later.  He likely has no idea what he is really shouting at the TV.

5.  Get involved too!  Even if just a little bit.  The more I learn about the game and the players (and which one is dating the Kardashian of the moment), the more entertaining it is for me to actually watch with him.  I figure, he is going to be watching football with or without me and sometimes I'd rather it be with me.  Other times... it's better he watch alone.

6.  Indulge in your own hobbies.  Preferably ones that don't involve the TV and/or the room the TV is in.  Alternately, see #1.

7.  Join his fantasy football league and be prepared to hear unending statistics about all your players during the game.  (Warning: if your team happens to beat his, he will not be particularly pleased.)

8.  Make a paper chain to mark the end of the football season.

9.  Put your best homemaker foot forward and start planning an awesome Super Bowl party.

10.  Start a support group and invite sympathetic friends and their own sports-freak husbands over during game day. 

the end.

p.s. this marks my 200th post! fun, huh?


Suzi Q said...

This is perfect.

Melanie said...

I hate that your blog is so creative. I don't know how you do it. I love your writing style. Me on the other hand.. numbers are my thing. I should do a blog where you have a morse code :). Love the stories. Miss you guys we need to hang out soon. Maybe while the boys watch football?