Kyle's Place: Obsessed with Sports

I have a confession. 
As you have probably learned by reading our blog, I am obsessed with sports.
Yeah, I admit it.
I LOVE SPORTS.
Sports make me really happy.
They bring out emotion.
They bring out passion.
They bring out memories of incredible victories and depressing defeats.
They make you want to hug your buddy after an incredible victory (thanks Kevin).
They also might want you to kick a kitten after a heartbreaking defeat (thanks Kyle Brotzman. Dude make a freaking field goal! It was 26 yards away. My grandma could have made that! I can almost pee farther than 26 yards. You choked!)

But that’s what makes sports great! If women can have 10,000 different moods in a day, men can have a couple of moods related to sports.

Sports are intense.
Sometimes it comes down to the final seconds.
Sometimes you feel your blood pumping as you watch your team make the game-winning 3 pointer at the buzzer. (By the way, why do women want to tell you something interesting about girl stuff or want you to take the garbage out when these final seconds of the game are counting down?)

Sports build memories between people and can be talked about for hours, even 50 years later.

If sports had never existed in this world, then happiness would have never existed either.

Sounds Like a Personal Problem

link

Not that I'm some sports aficionado or anything, but I have watched more than my fair share of professional sports in my 16 months or so of marriage and I have some thoughts about some of these team names.  Namely those of the NBA and NFL.  First, here are some questions:

1. Why do some teams use the state in their name and some only use the city?  I get it when there are more than one team in a state, but at the same time, there are the LA Clippers and the LA Lakers and no one seems confused by this? For example:  Why not the Salt Lake City Jazz?  Or the Colorado Broncos?  Or the Georgia Hawks?  When I asked Kyle this, he just rolled his eyes and explained that those names just sounded lame. 

2.  Why do some mascots have nothing to do with the team name?  Example: the Utah Jazz.... Bear??  Bear? What does a bear have to do with jazz?  I mean, would not a dancing saxophone or musical note be more appropriate?  Albeit more lame-looking...  but still.  However, I do think the Jazz Bear is really cool.  Even if he isn't jazzy.

3.  Who gets to pick these team names anyway?  And didn't anyone ever say, "What the heck?!" When some of the names were announced?  Some I think are better than others.

TOP 5 COOLEST TEAM NAMES

1.  Phoenix Suns.  I get this.  Phoenix=hot=sun.  It works. 

2.  Dallas Cowboys. Again, it just make sense.

3.  Philadelphia Eagles.  Eagles are cool.

4.  Arizona Cardinals.  Cardinals are not as cool as eagles, and I don't think they fall under the category of "manly beast" or anything, but I like cardinals.  They are pretty.  And all that shade of red is really quite flattering.

5.  Minnesota Vikings.  Vikings are mean.  Vikings are manly.  Vikings killed people.  Good name for a football team.

TOP 5 "WHAT THE HECK" TEAM NAMES

1.  Indiana Pacers.  Excuse me, but what is a pacer?

2.  Washington Wizards.  I mean really, a wizard?  That's almost as bad as a lambkin (my high school mascot)

3.  Denver Nuggets.  Now, I am a lover of all things Colorado, but a nugget?  It doesn't sound at all menacing.  See also: lambkin.

4.  Cleveland Browns.  Browns?  Sounds like a personal problem...

5.  Green Bay Packers.  Its supposed to be a cheese packer?  Is that right?  I should google that.  I'm actually on the fence with this, because I think it has good reference to the area and I'm all for that.  But just the same... a packer? 

So there you go.  My opinion is neither here nor there, but sure enough, this is what I think about while ESPN is on.  Which is pretty much always.

As a side note, I really love the Stanford Tree.

It's Like Some Crazy Voodoo or Something

I have a thing or two to say about football.  You see, this thing happened last night and it was so out of character for me and so strange that I have nothing else to wonder but there was a full moon out and the stars aligned and perhaps maybe somewhere in the deep south there is an old fashioned fortune teller gazing into her magical ball and forcing me to enjoy watching football.  Because that is what happened.  And I can hardly believe it.

We spent our Saturday night watching football (thanks, DVR) and I LIKED IT.  Really, I did.  I had so much fun screaming at the TV with my sports fanatic husband that I think somewhere in the night I thought we were on a date or something.  But really we were just watching football, the sports freak and wife, until the late-ish hours of a Saturday night.  This is how I know that I am married, because I'm pretty sure this kind of thing never happened when I was single.  Not ever.

And in case you were wondering, the answer is yes.  Yes, we are also watching football at this very moment.  And then very soon there will be Monday Night Football and it will feel all very much the same. 

I feel like I've joined the "cool club" of those people who talk all about sports and their athlete stars.  These days I (usually) know when to cheer, why we are cheering, and who to cheer for.  Although sometimes I'm actually cheering for the fact that I knew what happened, not so much for the play itself.  While everyone else is screaming, "Alright, we got an interception!"  I'm really saying, "I understand what happened!  That guy intercepted the pass!  I'm so smart!!  Yay for me!!!"  But whatever.  I'm happy, Kyle is happy, and the Boise Staet Broncos are currently ranked number 3.

Yay for me!

How to Survive Football Season

we found this on our wedding day.  i believe it to be an omen of good fortune.

My friends, it is no secret that my husband loves sports.  To the extreme.  Extreme as in our wedding day and colors were a reflection of the Boise State football program.  Extreme as in our first born son will be named after a Boise State quarterback.

This sports fanaticism bothers me little except when Project Runway is on.  Or I need a back scratch.  Because in the sacred order of all things married, football apparently out-ranks Project Runway.  And back scratches.  However, this is all fine and well when you remember that football season produces a very happy and energetic husband. 

It is my advice to learn to deal with it, because fighting it just doesn't ever end well.  And for all you who are also married (or soon to be married!) to football fanatics, I give you my guide to surviving football season:

1.  If possible, purchase your husband his own TV to go in a room far away from you.

2.  Use his newly directed attention to your advantage.  For example, this would be a good time to spring unpleasant things on him because he is not really listening to you anyway.  Accidentally dropped your cell phone in the toilet?  Mention it casually (when his team is winning) in between plays and when his attention is most focused on the game.  He will likely respond with a blank nod and possibly a wave of the hand.

3.  Turn football TV time into a bargaining chip.  For example: "You can watch four hours of football if you will watch The Notebook with me tomorrow night.  And scratch my back."  After all, it's only fair.

4.  Watch and listen to him closely during intense moments of the game and document them via a public blog for you to giggle about later.  He likely has no idea what he is really shouting at the TV.

5.  Get involved too!  Even if just a little bit.  The more I learn about the game and the players (and which one is dating the Kardashian of the moment), the more entertaining it is for me to actually watch with him.  I figure, he is going to be watching football with or without me and sometimes I'd rather it be with me.  Other times... it's better he watch alone.

6.  Indulge in your own hobbies.  Preferably ones that don't involve the TV and/or the room the TV is in.  Alternately, see #1.

7.  Join his fantasy football league and be prepared to hear unending statistics about all your players during the game.  (Warning: if your team happens to beat his, he will not be particularly pleased.)

8.  Make a paper chain to mark the end of the football season.

9.  Put your best homemaker foot forward and start planning an awesome Super Bowl party.

10.  Start a support group and invite sympathetic friends and their own sports-freak husbands over during game day. 

the end.

p.s. this marks my 200th post! fun, huh?

Hot Pockets and a Husband-Sitter, Maybe?

Today's email from Kyle:
If you were a breakfast, you would be a HOT pocket. Will you go out with me on Friday night?

I am here to profess my devotion to my husband by telling you all that I gave him the remote promptly at 6:30 p.m. before Project Runway was even over just so he could watch the official start of the NFL season.  I even made him homemade mac and cheese to energize his bones for the "big game."  Also, I attentively listened to all his NFL player facts even when he goes on and on for a long time and I'm not sure what he is talking about anymore.  I mean really, am I good, or am I good? 

Sometimes though I think Kyle forgets I'm his wife and not his guy friend sports buddy who cares about all these little silly facts.  Does he not notice the blank stare on my face?  I have a sports stats threshold and I think he just crossed it.  Oh.  I'm typing this as he's talking and I think he just figured it out.  He just said to me, "I love to talk about sports.  I come home to my wife who will talk to me about purses, but not sports!  I need a son." 

It's true, I did talk to him about purses during the first three commercial breaks but I think I noticed him twitching so I stopped.

Poor Kyle, he needs a son to come home to who will listen to all his sports talk.  I want to remind him that even if we have a son sometime in the not too distant future, it will be several years before he can talk sports with him.  But maybe we'll have one of those child prodigies who learns to talk when he's a year old.  And then he'll be throwing touchdowns by age three.  Is there a gene for that, I wonder?

I think what would be a good idea is to have a husband-sitter.  You know, just a guy who loves sports who will come and sit on our couch and watch sports with Kyle all evening long and have coherent conversations about their fantasy teams.  And NCAA regulations.  And Brett Favre's commitment issues.  And other some such things. 

But until that day, I will continue to listen attentively to all Kyle's NFL player facts and other sports jargon because I love him and he listens to me talk about purses and he may have called me a hot pocket today.  Also, he's just so fun when he's excited like unto a child, even if it is about things like football.

Laborphobia

It all began with the kickoff of the BYU/Washington football game. 

Location: Lavell Edwards Stadium
Date: Saturday, September 4, 2010
5:00 p.m.   Kickoff
5:08 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy a drink
5:10 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy cotton candy
5:11 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy kettle corn
5:13 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy ice cream
7:30 p.m.   Kyle buys me a Diet Coke. 
                  A caffeine-free Diet Coke. 
                  *Sigh*
8:15 p.m.   We leave the game with 5 minutes left to beat the traffic
9:00 p.m.   We finally leave Provo (we did not exactly beat the traffic).
                  Head for the Uinta National Forest to find a particular campsite and
                  camping friends.    
                  Armed with GPS, Google Maps, and a few text messages
9:30 p.m.    Beg Kyle to stop at KFC in Heber City
                  He obliges. 
                  We consume several dozen ounces of caffeinated beverages.
                  Also, chicken.
11:24 p.m.  Witness burning trailer.
11:30 p.m.  There are no rest stops. 
                  Beg Kyle to pull over on the side of a road. 
                  That is all.
12:00 a.m.  Miraculously, we find the campsite.
                  And the camping friends. 
                  Set up our tent.
                  Patch the air mattress.
                  Freeze the remainder of the night.

Location: Somewhere in the Uintas
Date: Sunday, September 5, 2010
8:00 a.m.    Delicious breakfast.
11:20 a.m.  A trip to "town"
12:15 p.m.  Hot dogs and Phase 10 in the back of the truck.
3:07 p.m.   "Rafting" on the lake.
7:03 p.m.    Delicious dutch oven dinner.
10:30 p.m.  Put on all remaining articles of clothing and proceed to freeze the remainder of
                  the night.

Location: Somewhere in the Uintas
Date: Monday, September 6, 2010
6:30 a.m.    Give up all hope of sleeping in and begin to revive feeling in appendages.
9:00 a.m.    Pack up all of camp and turn on car heater to full blast.

Location: Home
Date: Monday, September 6, 2010
11:30 a.m.   Arrive at home.  Destinkify all persons and belongings.
5:30 p.m.     Welcome friends for the Boise State/Virginia Tech football game.
8:48 p.m.     Sweat profusely.
9:00 p.m.     Celebrate victorious Boise State win.
                    Watch as Kyle falls on the kitchen floor with pure joy.
11:00 p.m.   Go to bed alone because Kyle is still beaming over victory

How was your holiday weekend?

Why you don't try to talk to your husband while he's watching football:

Me: "I'm going to turn off the air conditioner and open all the windows, okay?"

Him: "Okay, that sounds great."

[me opening windows]

Him: "Hey why are you opening the windows?  The air conditioner is on!"

Me: "I just told you I was going to turn off the air conditioner and open all the windows and you said 'Okay.'"

Him: "Oh, did I?  Well, I'm watching the game!  That's why they have commercials: they are not for advertising, they are so you can talk to your wife."

duly noted.

Fantasy Shmantasy

I know you've heard it before: I married a sports fanatic.  But only recently did I realize that this enthusiasm also extends to the realm of fake sports.  Excuse me, "fantasy" sports.  And while on the subject, I would like to propose that there is little that is masculine in the name "fantasy" even if it is sometimes tied to such things as football.

Due to wretched traffic, I didn't get home from work until 6:00, at which point I had to craft a quick and easy dinner so Kyle could be ready for his second of four fantasy football drafts promptly at 6:45.  And believe me, not a minute past 6:45 did he retreat to his man den to prepare for the draft.  I did , however, convince him to look away for a second to give me a goodbye kiss when I left the house at 7:05.

I returned home at 8:30 to find that he had just finished the draft and was especially cheerful the remainder of the night.  He even shared the last bits of his caramel ice cream with me.   And that, my friends, is my idea fantasy.  Ice cream.

Oh, one more thing.  In case you forgot, the "biggest game in Boise State history" is September 6th.  Yeah, it's kind of a big deal.

So The NBA Finals Are On...

Being the wife of an avid sports enthusiast takes some getting used to.  For example, it has taken approximately nine months for me to get used to Kyle's yelling, nay screaming, at the TV during any given sports game.  The first few months were unnerving as I felt that shouting was in some way my fault, that I should try to console him, or that I should even listen at all.  I've since learned to just ignore him all together.  You know, just when the game is on, of course.

"Three flops in the first quarter!!!!  THREE!!  The same guy!!"

It's not so bad really.  In fact, it's actually pretty funny. 

"Even their coach has been saying all over the media how this guy does this and they still let him do it!"

I also kinda like it because, you see, Kyle is very passionate about the things he loves and so as much as he gets into sports, he is just as much into me.  Except he doesn't shout at me. 

You know what I mean?

"They don't freaking play basketball; they flop!!!"

All I have to say is thank goodness for commercial breaks; by the time the game comes back on he seems to forget what he was yelling about a few minutes earlier.

"How is that NOT a jump ball?!?"

Every now and then I realize he may actually be talking to me and I try my hardest to jump into whatever conversation he thought he was having with me.  I do learn things from time to time though.  You know, in between the exuberant cheers and shouting at the TV.  And when the game is over, he's back to directing all his love and passion to me.  You know, the lucky wife of an avid sports enthusiast.

You Best Believe

Have you ever noticed how rainy days sometimes suck all the energy from your very bones?  Or is it just me?  All I want to do on rainy days is bury myself in a pile of blankets and stare blankly at the dark clouds.  But I did sew up a girly onesie for a BabyLoo order.  Kyle was skeptical about it at first, I could tell.  But he liked it in the end.  Good husband!

I made sloppy joes.  (aka sloppy joses, for the Spanish-inclined).  Kyle had the equivalent of three.  Three, I tell you!  I scowled at his large appetite and hoarded the leftovers for my lunch tomorrow.  (like I could get away with eating three sloppy joes?) (seriously)

We drove five and one half hours home from Boise last night. With a car packed full of stuff we ransacked from my in-laws. With the windows down. One of such things we ransacked has apparently spent its earthly existence solely bathing in a sea of gasoline. Gasoline which now has penetrated the very fibers of the car. I'm pretty sure we were high after five and one half hours of such exposure to gasoline fumes. Which might have explained our 11:05 PM sing-along to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at inappropriately high decibels. When we got home Kyle so graciously doused the car with Febreeze for good measure.

As I try to think of other such interestingness to share with Internetland, Kyle is going on and on about how great Boise State is. He just finished watching the 2010 Fiesta Bowl from the bathtub. "...September 6th, the biggest game in Bronco history!...We'll start out ranked number two in the nation... little Boise State will probably be second or third in the nation...so all we gotta do is win and we're in the national championship...probably....little Boise State....you best believe with they being in the national championship (snaps fingers in my direction) we be going...."

Do you see what I have to put up with?

It's really quite amusing is what it is.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

We recently broke up with Comcast cable TV and said goodbye to our beloved DVR.  It was a sad day as Kyle carried the DVR and necessary cables and remotes to Comcast, but it won't be a long parting. 

You see, the idea was to ditch the cable until, of course, football season starts again. I mean really, can one be joyfully married to the Kyle without ESPN during football season?? I just don't even want to know.  

So here's what's happened since our parting with cable:

1.  Because the TV is no longer forced to reside within 3 feet of the cable outlet, we could spend a whole afternoon rearranging furniture.  And what do you know, we have more room!

2.  Without the handy TV Guide thing, I have no idea what shows are on and have to flip through each channel one by one.  I subsequently found myself sitting through an episode or two of "Little House on the Prairie" and a very old Michael Caine movie.  I may have also watched an opera.

3.  Now that we can't record all our favorite shows, we have to include "watch The Office" on our weekly plans so we don't miss an episode (we sure love us some Michael Scott around here).

dream home maybe? 

4.  We're saving money!!  This brings us ever closer to the purchase of our very own house where we will not be subject to the booming music selections of Ms. Obnoxiousness next door. This, of course, always makes us happy, therefore improving the overall atmosphere of the Post family apartment.

Well, goodbye cable. 

We'll see you in September.

How Do You Like Them Apples?

Didn't you hear?  Oh yes, Boise State won the Fiesta Bowl and that means I am married to the happiest man in the world.  One might even say he is giddy or gleeful, but that just doesn't sound manly enough to describe a serious football fan, now does it?

Moments after winning the game, Kyle and his manly football friend Kevin embraced in a very manly celebratory hug, not unlike the one you see here.  Oh yes, there was jumping and shouting and high-fives all around, even from yours truly!  Yes, even I experienced the 4th quarter nail biting goosebumps and even I felt a wave of pride for the underdog no one picked to win.

I really do have a lot to celebrate.  Not only did my new favorite collegiate team win a very important bowl game, but my husband is sublimely happy and I no longer have to hear about all the ways Boise State can and must win a BCS bowl... that is, until next season.  For a few more months at least, I have my husband back!  Now he will have plenty of time to shower me with his undivided attention... or something like that.

 And for all those who are not facebook friends with Kyle, I leave you with his most inspiring post-game message:

to all the TCU players and fans who said you were going to 'destroy Boise State.' To ESPN, CBS Sports, Sports Illustrated, Fox Sports, and all Utah sports radio stations who doubted Boise State.  To the Mountain West Commissioner and fans of the Mountain West Conference who don't EVER give Boise State any credit... HOW... DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES???  GO BRONCOS!!

On a somewhat related note, is it just me or is there a similarity between these two photos? 

I'm just sayin...

...as a Boise State Victory

I came home from work, wearing the green sweater. Kyle said I looked nice and together we watched familial drama unfold on Judge Judy.  A short while later I went to get ready for the Christmas party and put on the red sweater.  The following conversation ensued:

Kourtney: Kyle, do you like this sweater or the green one better?

Kyle: What green one?

Kourtney: The one I was just wearing.

Kyle: You were wearing a green sweater?

Kourtney: Yes, I was wearing a green sweater.  The same green sweater I was just wearing when you said I looked nice.

Kyle: I don't remember you wearing a green sweater because... I was looking at your beautiful face.  I just remember you looked beautiful...  like beautiful things... your face is as beautiful as a Boise State victory.

Kourtney: You remember my face but you don't even know what color sweater I was wearing?

Kyle: The red one looks great, wear that.

Ok, fine.  So I wore the red sweater, but he probably doesn't even remember.

How to be a Boise State Fan

This is Kyle.  Kyle loves Boise State football.

This is Kourtney.  She married Kyle and therefore promised to love Boise State football too.

Together they are the Posts and they will witness the slaughtering of the Idaho Vandals' football team by the Boise State Broncos.

This is Boise in November.  It is very, very cold.  And windy.

This is Kourtney at the football game.  It is hard to tell that she is so cute and festive under all those layers: short sleeve shirt, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, jersey, father-in-law's winter coat, leggings, jeans, knee-high socks, thick wool socks, knee-high boots, ski gloves, hat, scarf, sunglasses, hand warmers inside boots.  The layers are key to staying warm at a Boise football game.  Take note.

In order to stay warm the entire game, be sure to bring a spouse to cuddle with.  Especially one that will buy you hot chocolate in the third quarter.

You must also participate in unhealthy excesses of cheering.  When sitting at the very top of the stadium, you must cheer very loud, pretending that the players can hear you.  This is not unlike the cheering that may take place at home on a Saturday afternoon.  Also when the players cannot hear you. (Kyle would like you to know that this photo was taken long before the game started.  People do actually come to Boise State football games.  A lot of people, in fact.)

This is the blue turf.  Home of many victories.

This is what happens to Kourtney's hair after a Boise football game.  Clearly there was no point in spending a half hour styling before the game.

After surviving the frigid victory, Kyle and father enjoy sports from the comfort and warmth of home.  They would stand here for hours if they could.

May God bless the Boise State Broncos.

So I Married a Sports Fanatic

Kyle: On the way to Idaho I'm going to explain to you the reasons why we hate the University of Idaho.  You must learn.

Kyle is so sneaky.  When we first started dating he kept his sports fanaticism quiet and let it out slowly as the months went by.  Then one day we're married and its football season and Saturday through Monday our apartment is filled with the sounds of TV commentators, hard hits, and Kyle's intermittent shouting at the TV.  I keep reminding him that they can't hear him, but he is a man and men can only do one thing at a time so he is only tuned into the game.

Kyle: Shoestring tackle?!? Shoestring tackle...

Yesterday I tried to tell Kyle of the horrible dream I had had in the night only to realize that my 5 minutes of detailed dream-recounting fell on deaf ears.  I forgot there was a game on and to make things more complicated, he was trying to read an article about Boise State at the same time.  I don't think he had any idea I was even talking.  Oh well, it's not his fault he was born a sports addict.

Kyle:  You don't call somebody a weiner after a hit like that

This is hard for me to understand because I am a woman and women are multi-taskers.  In fact, I'm often more productive when I'm doing more than one thing at a time.  So... maybe I'm not actually more productive, but at least I think I am.  I work best under stress.  I can watch America's Next Top Model while talking to my mom on the phone, searching the internet for recipes for dinner and uploading pictures to facebook.  But Kyle?  Kyle is a man and must do one thing at a time.  Aren't they all that way?

Kyle: How about tacklin him?!?  Gosh Dangit.

So there's a game on tonight and Kyle is shouting funny things at the TV while I alternate between etsy.com, facebook, and recording this magical Sunday moment in our very own weblog.  To be quite honest, I really adore Kyle's sports fanaticism.  He makes a point to include me in his commentary and even rewinds the games (thank you DVR) to show me cool tackles and awesome plays.    He takes the time to explain things to me so I'm not totally lost.  Most important of all, Kyle is passionate about the things that he loves and while he loves football a whole lot, I know he loves me more.