Gas Leak

Before I ever got pregnant I heard a lot about "pregnancy symptoms."

The list went like this:

morning sickness

cravings

mood swings

At that point in my life I was naively unaware of a pregnancy symptom that has far-reaching, devastating consequences: The Pregnancy Farts.

You guys, I am taking one for the team today in sharing with you one of the most humiliating facets of my current state of life.  I share for one reason, and one reason only: I feel it is far too funny to keep to myself.

As my Kyle so often proclaims, "Farts are funny."

Of this, I believe he is right.

So here's the thing.  I have The Pregnancy Farts.  And truth be told, they are often bad.  Like, really bad.  Eye-watering bad.  I have no idea what is happening with this baby to cause such a terrible plight, but I hope he is all the more sweeter for our suffering.

You want to know how bad it is?

I will tell you.

Today I had The Pregnancy Farts.

The bad kind.

Today I had to work.

Today I might have let one slip.

(You MUST know, that The Pregnancy Farts cannot be controlled.  They have a mind of their own)

The office was crowded, but no one was standing VERY near me so I hoped I was in the clear.

Not TEN MINUTES LATER, someone from the far side of the room announces that security has received a phone call complaining of a natural gas or sulfurous odor coming from our office.  "Has anyone smelled any natural gas recently?"  An investigation ensued.  I kept quiet and the findings were inconclusive.

OH.  MY.  GOSH.