Before I ever got pregnant I heard a lot about "pregnancy symptoms."
The list went like this:
At that point in my life I was naively unaware of a pregnancy symptom that has far-reaching, devastating consequences: The Pregnancy Farts.
You guys, I am taking one for the team today in sharing with you one of the most humiliating facets of my current state of life. I share for one reason, and one reason only: I feel it is far too funny to keep to myself.
As my Kyle so often proclaims, "Farts are funny."
Of this, I believe he is right.
So here's the thing. I have The Pregnancy Farts. And truth be told, they are often bad. Like, really bad. Eye-watering bad. I have no idea what is happening with this baby to cause such a terrible plight, but I hope he is all the more sweeter for our suffering.
You want to know how bad it is?
I will tell you.
Today I had The Pregnancy Farts.
The bad kind.
Today I had to work.
Today I might have let one slip.
(You MUST know, that The Pregnancy Farts cannot be controlled. They have a mind of their own)
The office was crowded, but no one was standing VERY near me so I hoped I was in the clear.
Not TEN MINUTES LATER, someone from the far side of the room announces that security has received a phone call complaining of a natural gas or sulfurous odor coming from our office. "Has anyone smelled any natural gas recently?" An investigation ensued. I kept quiet and the findings were inconclusive.
OH. MY. GOSH.