"The Incident"

Ok so we were watching basketball and someone got poked in the eye and he went down on the floor, clearly in some serious pain.  My first thought was, "Okay really? A poke in the eye hurts that bad?"  And then I remembered.  I remembered one of the worst dates I ever had.  And it happened to be on Valentine's Day.

Let me tell you, this guy was a serious loser. I could probably go on for days telling you about all the stupidness that led up to "the incident" but I'll spare you.  For now.  Anyway, we were going to a movie and stopped at the fast food restaurant across the street before the movie started.  While perusing the menu, he said something to the effect of, "Well it looks like you didn't bring your purse so I guess I have to buy you dinner."  (Yeah.  He was that guy*) 

I tried to make conversation while I ate my chicken kabob but he rarely looked up from his precious iphone to acknowledge my presence on this worthless date. 

Later we are standing on a street corner, heading to the movie.  He has a plastic spoon in his mouth, you know, for the milkshake he was trying to sneak into the theater.  He has a plastic spoon in his mouth so he can put his coat on and slip his milkshake into his pocket.  It was a brilliant idea, to be sure, but while he was putting his coat on he literally walked, spoon first, into my eye.  Right in my eye.  It hurt like hell.  He laughed.  And I secretly plotted ways to get even through the whole stupid movie.  Worst. Valentine's Day. Ever.

Which brings me back to the poke in the eye: it hurts like hell.  I know from experience.

*that guy who recommended a certain type of implant to make me more "proportionate"
*that guy who raved about how grateful he was for his ethnic heritage because his teeth are so much whiter than other people's
*that guy who has since become the laughing stock of my entire dating history