Monday, July 19, 2010

Marital Wisdom from "Those People"

Today we have been married 10 months.

We are not "those people" who celebrate monthly anniversaries.  Not typically anyway.
Not tyically as in maybe sometimes I use a monthly anniversary as an excuse to do/get what I want.
There's no harm in that really, is there?

But I do feel so very wise, having been married for a whole 5/6th of one year.
You know, wise like how now we can tell all our friends who are just getting married "how it is" to be married.  Yeah, we're "those people."  Or something.

So for you, my friends, who are preparing to be married, I offer you my best 5/6th of a year advice:

1.  It is important to grab the husband's attention first before trying to say anything important. If you do not first grab his attention, you will have to repeat everything you just said.  I usually like to begin the conversation by saying something like, "Oh by the way I'm pregnant."  And then he will look away from the T.V. and say, "What?"  And then I can tell him what I really wanted to say because he never heard the first thing anyway. (And besides that, it isn't true so don't get your hopes up).

2.  If you try to make an excess of food for dinner so you have leftovers for lunch the next day, he will eat it all for dinner anyway.  Save yourself the trouble and just make your own lunch when he isn't watching.

3.  He will never load the dishwasher properly.  Just accept it now.

4.  There is an invisible line down the center of the bed.  If you cross it and enter into his territory at any time during the night, he will forever hold it against you and may actually draw a line on your bed just to prove a point.

5.  He may get a little freaked out when you fill a spare room full of yard sale "junk" and announce you are going to paint everything white.

6.  Just be prepared to explain the difference between hand towels, dish rags, and washcloths.  Many times over.

7.  Memorize what he says about his favorite sports team and then repeat it at a later date.  You will impress him beyond belief.

8.  When your new jeans dye your underwear blue, he will laugh at you.  It is best that you laugh too.

9.  Serve every meat with barbecue sauce.

10.  Against your better judgment, the surround sound is now the most important piece of "furniture" you own.  Be sure to decorate accordingly.

The End.


Abby said...

There is nothing wrong with monthly anniversaries :0) Heck, we celebrated our 700th day! Ha ha ha

Gordita said...

#4 couldn't be truer in our house. Ivan says that I "diagonalize" myself in bed (stretch my body from my top corner to his bottom corner), and enjoys teasing me mercilessly about it. I prefer to look at it as me wanting to be close to him. My feet are very attracted to his legs, sometimes sharply and abruptly which can be startling.