Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Death by Nylons

Something evil possessed me this morning as I was getting ready for work and it whispered in my ear, "Try the support nylons.  They're really not so bad."

If you ever hear this voice, turn and run. 
Because support nylons are of the devil.

I know I know you're probably thinking to yourself, "Kourtney.  It is two thousand ten, WHY are you wearing nylons at all?" 
And to that I tell you, "Because I have to.  My work makes me."

Yes, I have to wear nylons to work every day.  Except for those days that I wear knee-high boots so you can't tell I'm not wearing nylons at all because really, there's no harm in that, is there?

I don't know how these black support nylons ever got into my dresser drawer in the first place, but they seemed so innocent this morning, beckoning to me from their evil lair.  And now I remember why I hate them so, so very much.  

If you have never experienced the support nylons, let me tell you that they vacuum pack every inch of your lower body into two sizes smaller than what is healthy.  Or normal.  Or remotely comfortable in any way.  I know the idea of vacuum-packed body parts sounds appealing at times, but trust me on this one, it so, so not worth it.

Unless you like feeling as if your legs have turned into sausages stuffed into casings.  You know, if you're into that kind of thing.


Abby said...

Amen Sister. PS maybe you should just not wear nylons some days. I complained to Scott one day and and he gave me the ok not to wear them because he hates them anyway, so unless it's cold and/or I haven't shaved, I don't wear them. Take a walk on the wild side!

Kellie said...

Why do I eat sausage????