Things I've Learned The Hard Way

1.  Look at the bus number before you get on so you don't discover an hour later you're on the wrong bus.

2.  When you drive over a tree in someone's yard, it is best not to drive away and pretend it never happened.

3.  No matter how good lemonade and milk taste on their own, they will never taste good when mixed together.

4.  Your car can be impounded if the registration is more than 90 days expired.

5.  Do not take two Benadryl if you expect to be awake in the next 24 hours.

6.  If you do not scrape the ice off your car windows before you attempt to drive down the street you may end up in your neighbor's yard.

7.  Vanilla extract smells irresistibly delicious, but do not drink it from the bottle.

8.  If you are an amateur rollerblader, it is not ever a good idea to go barreling down a steep hill.  The parked cars sometimes get in your way.

9.  Throwing your cell phone at the closet door does not improve reception.

10.  You probably do not want to place a gallon of milk on a hot stove.

11.  Riding your bike with your eyes closed may put you face-first into a mailbox.

12.  When making instant pudding, you will have better results if you remember to add the pudding mix.

13.  If you're going to turn on the wrong burner, you should not leave a dozen eggs or a glass pan on the stove.

14.  Never put a metal pot full of potatoes in the microwave.

15.  Your seventeen-year-old friends are not professional hair-colorists and will only laugh in your face when they turn your hair white and it begins to fall out in clumps.

16.  When replying to an email, beware of the "Reply To All" button.

17.  "Tanning Lotion" is not at all the same thing as "Sunscreen."

18.  Leeches are the most horrifying creatures ever to inhabit the Snake River.

19.  If you get a flat tire on the freeway in the middle of winter, do not lock your keys in the car when you look in the trunk for a spare.

20.  Do not, under any circumstances wear a flowy skirt on a windy day.