He Said She Said

Being married is such an eye-opener.  I've come to realize that the things that I think are just plain common sense, are not the same things that are common sense to my wonderful husband.  In using my expert intellect, I have detected THIS very fact as the source of most all our misunderstandings. 
Allow me to welcome you to an inside peak at our marriage:

Kyle: I always dump out the contents of the cereal bowl.
Kourtney: Even traces of milk left in a cereal bowl are totally disgusting, so you must rinse and scrub before leaving the bowl to rest, completely and totally milk and cereal free.

Kyle: When I suggest we do something or go somewhere and you don't object, that doesn't mean anything. No decision is made until you say "yes" or "no." I can't know what you mean unless you tell me.  I am not a mind reader.
Kourtney: When you suggest we do something or go somewhere and I don't object, that means "ok." You will know if I don't want to go. Also, this protects me in the event I decide to object later because I never really said "yes" in the first place. Do you follow? I would make a great lawyer, I know.

Kyle: Why risk putting our precious mail in the measly apartment mailbox when the post office is simply faster and more reliable and it's on the way to work! Bonus!
Kourtney: You wouldn't really want to drive down the street to the post office when there's a perfectly good mailbox 10 feet from our door.

Kyle: The bathroom rug is where it is so I can dry my feet on it.
Kourtney: You dry your feet before you leave the shower/bathtub so as to avoid wet footprint marks all over the bathroom rug for someone to step in later only to get their socks soaking wet.

Kyle: You never know when someone will break into your house so it's best to be safe and lock the bedroom door at night.
Kourtney: No one is going to murder us in the night, so you don't need to lock the bedroom door.  Except, now that you've said that I'm kind of freaked out.  Will you lock the door please?

Kyle: Mouthwash is part of good hygiene.
Kourtney: Mouthwash makes me vomit.

Kyle: I shave my head, so all these long blonde hairs around the sink and counter are clearly yours.
Kourtney: Oh sure, blame all the hair on me.

Kyle: Turning the heat off when we aren't home saves money we can spend on other, more fun things.
Kourtney: I'm cold! If you turn the heat on before we leave, it will be warm inside when we come home!
Kyle: You are always cold.
Kourtney: That's because you didn't turn the heat on.
Kyle: What did you say?
Kourtney: I don't repeat myself.