As we get closer to starting Avery on solids, the reality of PKU and it's suckiness is starting to weigh on me. Especially with the holidays coming up. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It kicks off the Christmas season and features some of my very favorite foods. Foods that Avery can't eat!! Turkey, stuffing, pies, rolls... *sigh*
I recently went to a low-protein cooking class for people with PKU and learned how to make low protein breads, pastas, cookies, pizza, and veggie nuggets. It was in some ways comforting to learn that these foods are going to be doable, but also still overwhelming because I can't just go out and buy a freaking loaf of bread for my baby girl. PROTEIN IS IN EVERYTHING!!!!
I had a mini breakdown about it while trying to make formula the other day. I have to weigh regular formula and medical formula by grams and mix it in a big measuring cup and divide it up into bottles every night. I was in a hurry and the scale kept resetting and I had to re-measure each formula several times and by then I just got really pissed off. And then I cried. I can't just make a regular bottle like regular people for babies with regular diets. It's a reality that sometimes hits me hard.
In truth, I really don't want to do it. I just don't. I don't want to mix the formulas. I don't want to make low protein foods. I don't want to keep diet records. I don't want to take blood samples. I don't want my baby to be different.
But there's the other side of it all. The side that is my love for her. I love her so much and want so much for her that I will do it all. I will mix the formulas. I will learn how to make every low protein food I can find. I will keep the diet records. I will take the stupid blood samples. And as much as I hate it all, I love that Avery girl even more and that's what keeps me going.