Kyle's Place: Real Men Tan Naturally

I have to get some things off my freshly shaved chest.

Since I got locked out of the house in my underwear back in April of last year, none have my neighbors have said anything. Do you know why? Because they liked what they saw.  I think they want more, so this year I might have to lay out in the FRONT yard and sunbathe.

Why do people like white farmer's-tanned bodies, you ask? Because they are SEXY!!

I know some of you might think, “Lying out in the sun is not a manly thing to do.” Well guess what? It can be because while I am laying there getting my suntan on I am thinking about tanks, mowing the lawn and what I would do if a guy who broke out of prison showed up in my front yard wanting to use my phone to call his ex-con brother. Planning to beat up an escaped convict is as manly as it gets. So what if I am getting a little color on my one pack-stomach? That is manly.

When I was in college I once went to a tanning salon with an old girlfriend. I got a sunburn on my butt and it hurt to sit down. I couldn’t even go to class. That was the only time I went tanning because it was at that moment I realized that men who use tanning beds are wieners. Real men tan naturally. In the sun. Period!

"Bad Medicine is What I Need"

Something like six months ago, Kyle so graciously purchased tickets for us to see Bon Jovi.

Last week we got to cash in those tickets for an evening of rock.

Kyle should really be the one to tell you how awesomely cool this concert was, because I was too pregnant and sick to get 100% out of it.  But these are the things you endure when you really love your husband and he spent a lot of money on concert tickets.  Besides, I got a Dairy Queen blizzard out of it!  (A blizzard will get me just about anywhere, even when I am sick)

Armed with a roll of toilet paper (we ran out of kleenex), Mucinex, a bottle of Tylenol, ear plugs, and Neosporin for my sad, sad nose, I settled in for a good time.  No one could even hear me cough for three hours!  And the baby seemed to really enjoy all the bass vibrations.  Or so she told my bladder that she kept kicking.

The concert was great!  It really was.  But I must confess, the best part about attending these kinds of events is being with Kyle, who REALLY enjoys them.  (Poor man, he really should have been a rock star.)  But then again, Kyle makes everything fun.  True fact!

Obligatory self portrait.

(Where has my face gone?!?)

Do you see that Kyle is wearing a Def Leppard t-shirt?  According to him, "Def Leppard is the greatest band of all time!"  I have heard this declaration at least one hundred times in the 18 months we have been married. 

As luck would have it, I recently discovered a Smith's Tix purchase on our bank account.  For kind of a lot of monies.  When I inquired about the purchase, Kyle sheepishly admitted to buying tickets to Def Leppard--in August.  (He was going to surprise me or something?) 

Nevermind the fact that I am due to be delivering a baby July 31st.  Sorry to say, she won't be coming to that show.  Anyone want to babysit a newborn in August so we can get rocked?

Serenity Now

There is peace again in my universe and all is right in the world because I have finally mastered the nursery furniture layout.  Is it wrong for me to spend most of my waking hours re-arranging furniture in my mind?  Because I do a lot of that these days.  I draw little floor plans on napkins and receipts whenever a clever idea happens to strike.  I mean, you never know when you might be inspired to put a cabinet in a closet and move a bookshelf behind a chair, and that is exactly the solution I needed.  I feel triumphant!  Victorious!  Relieved!  We finally have a nursery floor-plan!  And I'm pretty sure it's going to be functional!

Truth be told, we picked the very smallest of our rooms to serve as the baby's room.  This only because it is the room that shares a wall with our bedroom and that just seemed like a good idea. 

At first I felt a little panicked that the room was so empty.  We needed furniture! And accessories!  Pronto!

And then all of a sudden we had way too many things and way too few spaces.  It was really the $5 book shelf that threw everything off.  So that's when I had to put a little creative thinking to use.  But now...  now things are just right.  Proportions feel right, spacing is good, and even in the tiny nursery, we managed to fit one Jenny Lind crib, one old rocking chair, one repainted nightstand/dresser, one $5 bookshelf, one vintage arm chair, two lamps, and one old tv-stand-turned-storage-cabinet. 

(do you feel like singing the Twelve Days of Christmas yet?)

Pictures coming soon, I promise.

In the meantime, I will let you in on a few secret projects I have in the works for the nursery.

One butterfly mobile

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Four felt dahlias

One ruffled crib skirt

A few fabric buntings

One baby gallery

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Two ruffled lampshades

And then there's the lamps to paint, the baby quilt to back, curtains to adjust, and $5 bookshelf to refinish.

Good thing I have 18 more weeks!

Kyle's Place

That’s right. It happened. I have been invited by my wife to be a contributor to our blog. It was a hard decision to accept this invitation because my wife is an incredible blogger. She has amazing thoughts and writes like Bill Shakespeare. She is clever and funny and beautiful. She is the love of my life and has many talents. One of her greatest talents is somehow putting up with my random thoughts and actions.

I have a lot of weird things going on inside my head and it seems like funny things happen to me a lot that might be interesting to you. A lot of these random thoughts will be shared at random on this blog. Watch out.

So hopefully your eyes will water with hunger as you enjoy a tasty read of Kyle’s thoughts.

Here is a true experience: when I was in 9th grade I had an English teacher named Mrs. King. She was old and weird. One time my friend Jesse and I were having a good time showing off to hot ladies and Mrs. King caught me.

She walked by my desk and bent down to whisper in my ear, “Those ladies aren’t going to help you in the future, but my teaching you how to write these essays will help you in your life. Forget the flirting or you will never become a good writer.”

Then as she walked away she farted in my face.

Dead serious.

I don’t think she farted on purpose, but it doesn’t matter. She still farted in my face.

So I have one thing to say to you now Mrs. King: That flirting gave me good practice to win the woman of my dreams. She is beautiful and awesome. She also has a world famous blog and she invited me to write on it because she thinks I am a great writer. So who is farting in whose face now?

Meet Kyle

Meet Kyle.

He is a married white male.

Blue eyes.

Reddish beard.

Shaved head.

Weeks from turning 30.

He likes bubble baths and long walks along the river.

He's obsessed with sports.

He's insanely funny.

He is going to be a dad.

And he has {finally} agreed to humor his wife's many requests to contribute to this here blog.

So look out world, 'cause every Thursday you get to hear from my main man.

The love of my life.

The caramel to my apple.

Right here, every Thursday.

It's a date.

Spring is for Treasure Hunts

photo by me

It is officially spring and at the Post home that means yard sales!!

I'm a little obsessively proud of our cheap yard sale/thrift store finds.  A woman recently visited our home and complimented this or that thing that we have displayed in the house.  As I proudly exclaimed "Yard sale!" "Thrift store!"  "Free!"  She just stared at me blankly.

I guess not everyone loves the used goods like we do.

But that is okay.  Junk is not for everyone, but it is for us!

So despite the fact I woke up feeling not-so-hot Saturday morning, we went out at 7:30 AM on the hunt for the season's first yard sales.  I had a list of 13 and we made it to 8 in 3 different cities by 10:00 AM.  We only made one purchase.

This vintage book display rack for $5!!! 

The seller explained that it was an old book rack from a public library in Provo.  I loved it even more that it had a story.  (Just another reason why I love vintage stuffs)

We've wanted a display rack for the nursery and have been considering this one at Pottery Barn for $100, but just couldn't justify $100 to display books.   We wanted to go for a display rack over a bookshelf so the titles were visible, and we think it's a little more interesting than your average boxy bookshelf.  Sure our $5 version is a little different than the PB one, but it displays the book covers, it's vintage, and did I mention it was only $5?!?!  Man I love a good find.

As soon as I'm no longer cold medicine dependent, we'll give this book rack a good cleaning and a few coats of paint.  There's just nothing like finding the perfect treasure at a yard sale or thrift store! 

I live for the hunt.

How to have a proper sick day

1.  Collect every pillow in the house to create a fluffy cloud to prop up your head to prevent excessive congestion and relieve pregnancy hip and back pain.

2.  Wake up every 20 minutes to turn your head to allow the other side of your nose some breathing time.

3.  Keep a glass of ice water in every room of the house.

4.  When your husband goes to work, watch all the girly movies he won't watch with you when he's home.

5.  Carry a plastic bag with you wherever you go for discarded tissues. (Your husband may choose to call this the "bacteria bag")

6.  Don't leave a room without a box of tissues. 

7.  Enjoy an hour long bath.

8.  Frequently apply Neosporin to your sad, sad nose because it has been so abused by tissues.

9.  Prior to ever getting sick, marry a man who will kindly offer to sleep in another room so you can have the bed to yourself for a night.  Feign sadness when he leaves and then sprawl out on your fluffy pillow cloud.

10.  Eat everything in the house that contains peanut butter.  Oh wait, that might be a pregnant thing... 

Lucky

Back in the day when we were dating, Kyle used to visit me at work with silly little gifts.*  One such occasion was St. Patrick's day and he surprised me with a bar of Irish Spring soap with a note attached saying how he was so *lucky* to know me.  Also, some roses!  Roses! For an Irish holiday! And I'm not even Irish!  Fun, huh?  Except everyone at work thought maybe Kyle was trying to tell me that I smell.  But I still loved it anyway.  (And besides, I totally didn't smell)

This year for St. Patrick's Day we are celebrating by watching college basketball and decorating the baby's room.  I love it just as much, if not more than the Irish Spring/rose combo.

*Now we work 30 minutes away from each other so lunch surprises are rare

Doing Stuff

I have posted nothing for 4 days.  The reason?  I'm actually doing stuff!  Like going on real dates and finishing projects and things.  This is what happens when spring melts my cold, cold heart and brings with it extended hours of daylight and a new hope for life on earth.  I freakishly hate winter.  Have I ever mentioned that before?  I hate it as in I would rather endure 115 degree summers in Las Vegas than suffer through another stupid Utah winter for the rest of my life.  And no, I am not a skiier so there is, for me, little redeeming value in winter.  That said, the warmer weather is making for a more productive (and fun!) me.

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We saw The Adjustment Bureau with friends Abby and Jason and I seriously loved it.  I loved Matt Damon.  I loved Emily Blunt.  And I left the movie feeling all in love and thoughtful about life.  And then I smothered Kyle with lovey-ness and annoyed him with my intolerable cuteness.

I finished the baby quilt top!  Now I just need my mom to rescue me from quilting despair so I can finish it.  In all the years I've been sewing, this is my first time attempting a quilt of any kind.  I give myself a pat on the back.  You are welcome to follow suit.

My eldest sister loves me and I know this is true because she sent a package with Dr. Pepper and dill pickle flavored popcorns!  I cannot tell you which I like better.  The Dr. Pepper is sweet and spicy-ish while the dill pickle is the popcorn version of the very thing I crave every day.  All I can say is this: Baby Girl Fetus loves them both.

We attended a hockey game with friends Dani and Randy where I found this sign on the inside of one of the bathroom stalls.  Oh and the game was good too.  (Especially the post-game Dairy Queen!)

And now I'm thinking once again about slip-covering our living room furniture.  I'm thinking of using drop cloths, which I've seen done in a lot of blogs.... or is that too boring?  Do I wait for a JoAnn's 50% off coupon and go for home decor fabric instead?  These are the things keeping me up at night.

A Recent Discovery

I have recently discovered something which I have never before seen: the inside of my belly button. 

I would have photographed it for you, but I've heard from a few people that that would be "so gross."  So I am sparing you graphic belly button photos.* 

You are welcome.

But can someone please tell me that it will go back to normal someday?

 

*If you are sad that you missed out on graphic photos today, please google Octomom's pregnant belly and gasp in horror at the size and misfortune of her mid-section.

Multiple Choice

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I have recently been presented with all of the following social situations.  Now it's your turn to decide what you'd do!  Please choose the response which best describes how you would react.  For fun, you may include your answers in the comments. 

1. Person X begins to tell you a story which you have heard at least 2 or 3 times before.  Which of the following would you do?
A.  Pretend you never heard the story before and invent a new way to look excited about it.
B.  Cut Person X off at the beginning and say something to the effect of "Oh yes, you told me this already."
C.  Sneakily text someone to call you asap so you can excuse yourself from hearing the very long story, yet again.

2. You seriously have to run to the bathroom.  Like RIGHT. NOW.  Person X is anxiously engaged in telling you every detail of everything uninteresting ever recorded. Do you:
A.  Squirm uncomfortably for the next 30 minutes until you can get a word in to excuse yourself.
B.  Pray for someone to call/walk by/somehow interrupt the conversation so you can get out of there.
C.  Secretly scream at Person X in your head "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!"
D.  Walk Run away mid-sentence.

3. Person X begins a conversation with you by saying, "Oh you know such-and-such obscure movie/book/actor/public figure?"  "No."  "No?!? You've NEVER seen/read/heard of _______?!?!?!  Well, let me spend the next 2 hours telling you all about it."  Do you:
A.  Get comfortable for the long haul and enjoy the feeling of your eyes glazing over.
B.  Feign interest while daydreaming about a spicy Italian sandwich.
C.  Try to figure out how this could be at all helpful and/or interesting to you in the future.  Like, if you were to be on a trivia game show or something.
D.  All of the above

4. You have not told Person X you are pregnant (clarification: Person X is not the father).  Person X looks at you quizzically and inquires, "How are you doing?"  (Not in the Joey of Friends style)  Do you:
A.  Assume Person X is making reference to your pregnancy and proceed to divulge all the fun and excitingness of pregnancy related back pain.
B.  Ignore the possible pregnancy reference and reply, "Just fine, thanks!"
C.  Be perfectly blunt and ask, "Would you like to know about my growing fetus?"

Wise Cracks

i just love this cowboy

My baby doctor is conveniently located in the same hospital that Kyle works at.  We did this on purpose because  he is nice and likes to go to appointments with me.  As such, we were recently sitting in the baby doctor waiting room, Kyle and I, when some of his employee friends walked by and he shouts "Hey guys! I'm just here for my monthly!" 

This is the point where I roll my eyes and smile politely at the 15 other people in the waiting room now staring at us.

Hormonal pregnant wives sometimes are not so fond of funny husbands' wise cracks.

But today I think I can laugh about it.

Of Towels & Such

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I don't know but maybe I am a little obsessive about towels. 

In my mind, there are 7 types of towels:

1. Kitchen Towels: To dry hands and the occasional dish in the kitchen.  Not for mopping floors or wiping tables and other household surfaces.  Also, not for wiping food off of faces.

2. Dish Cloths:  To clean counter tops and dishes.

3. Hand Towels:  To dry hands and faces in the bathroom.  Not for cleaning bathroom surfaces, or soap boogers off soap dispensers.  Also not for cleaning facial hair bits off of razor blades.

4. Wash Cloths:  For cleaning faces and bodies. 

5. Bath Towels:  For drying faces and bodies.

6. Beach Towels:  For sunbathing faces and bodies by pools and beaches.

7. Decorative Embroidered Tea Towels:  For decorative use only.  Not for cleaning greasy stove tops or bathroom counters.  Basically not for cleaning anything at all.

(Is it wrong that I cried about a ruined tea towel?)

(Wait, don't answer that)

For comparison's sake, this is how Karl* views towels:

1. If it looks like a towel, I can use it like a towel.  All towels were created equal.

*name changed to protect the guilty

Nesting or Neurotic?

a summer daisy

Maybe it's the "nesting" phase, or maybe it's the fact that I managed to lose a whole freaking ironing board this weekend, but I am about ready to throw away everything unused in our house.  I'm feeling cluttered. And unorganized. And a little stressed out just thinking about it.  This is the perfect time for me to throw things out because I have less sentimental attachment to this-or-that-thing that so-and-so gave me for such-and-such occasion. 

And out it goes!

But these are the things that entertain my consciousness when lying awake for most of the night.  I am only halfway through this Pregnancy 1.1 and already I am so uncomfortable at night, I just cannot sleep.  Also, Kyle dreamed he was being chased last night and as a result, was making some very interesting noises (I totally thought someone was in our house.  It was just his erratic breathing.)

So while I cannot sleep, I think of all the things I could throw out.

Also, I contemplate the necessity of purchasing a good body pillow.

Totally unrelated: I told Kyle the baby has been moving a lot today and his response was "Probably because March Madness is coming up.  She is excited."

End Transmission.

Baby P

I made sure to drink half a can of Sprite before going in for our ultrasound because I heard that if you have some sugar right before, the baby will be extra active for you.  Kyle teased me (as he so likes to do) and accused me of making up excuses for me to indulge in a soda.  But let me tell you something, that baby girl would not stop moving during the whole ultrasound.  Coincidence?  Perhaps.  But I like to thank the Sprite.

It was somewhat tricky getting to the whole determining-the-gender part of the ultrasound because Baby P (no we've not yet decided on any names for her yet) kept playing with the umbilical cord between her legs!  I have to say, it was terribly cute.  She already seems so playful and curious and I got the sense that, even now, she has a very particular personality that's so especially unique to her. 

Now that we know she's a she and we could see her defined features like fingers and toes, it's all starting to seem more real to me.  I feel more connected to the little fetal parasite growing inside me and giving me heartburn.  I sense more of a closeness between us as I tell her "Let's go to work!" as we drive to the bus stop and I carry her onto the stupid bus.  I think more about her needs as I ask her "What would you like for dinner?" as I contemplate various cheeses in front of the open refrigerator.  She goes everywhere I go and we are, quite literally, inseparable.

There's just something different about how I look at this pregnancy now.  It's less about me and more about "us."  And it's all so terrifically new and strange and exciting.  Like how when you taste natural frozen yogurt with fresh berries for the first time and wonder how you've ever lived without it before. 

Yeah, it kinda feels like that.

Project!

 

I have been anxiously waiting to find out Baby P's gender so I could start on a baby quilt.  You know I love a good project!  I picked up these colorful Moda prints to bring some color (and life) to our currently all-white nursery.  I think they will match our vintage lime green arm chair perfectly!

This is the quilt pattern I'll be using from Moda Bake Shop and I can't wait for the weekend to come so I can get sewing!

Greeky

How many times do I have to write about food before I can consider myself a "food blogger?"

My mom did not so much care for her Greek yogurt so I gladly helped myself to it.  I had not previously sampled Greek yogurt but I just knew that I would like it because it seems kind of fancy and it's like one of those really cool things to eat these days.

Also, I'm kind of in love with natural frozen yogurt at such tasty places as Red Mango and Yogurt Stop. (Someone pleeeease feed me frozen yogurt! The fetus asked nicely)

So here are my thoughts about this particular yogurt of the Greeks:

1. What makes a yogurt Greek anyway?  

2.  What is locust bean gum? (as listed in the ingredients)

3. I loooove the creamy texture

4.  This was vanilla, but I did not so much taste vanilla?

5.  It is a little sour, which I expected, but I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

6.  I think this is one of those things I'll have to have a few times before I love it.

7.  If only I had some fresh berries to put in it...  I think it would be perfect!

8.  So far, it has not given me heartburn.  A big bonus in my book!

9.  In the absence of berries, I actually considered adding in dill pickles.  But then thought better of it.

(I am smart like that)

How do you feel about Greek yogurt?

Is there a certain brand that is the best? 

Can you define locust bean gum?

It's a...

Aren't these Mini Boden baby clothes so freaking cute?

And now I can buy this darling dress because we're having a GIRL!!

Woohoooo!!

"An ultimate feel fabulous moment..."

Ok I just have to rave about this diaper bag here for a minute.

Because it is freaking awesome.

It's reversible.

It's leather and canvas.

It comes with a double sided storage bag.

And an insulated cooler bag.

And a large padded changing mat.

And it doubles as a really fantastic carry-on bag.

And it is MINE!

WoohooO!

A dear friend gave this to me while I was in Colorado over the weekend.

And I'm in love with it.

It's from Isoki, an Australian baby bag company, and I love their little slogan: "An ultimate feel fabulous moment is parading a beautiful bag which often elicits a second glance by passers by."

I would like to add: "An ultimate feel fabulous moment is cramming most all of your carry on luggage into a 'diaper bag' which conveniently stuffs under the airplane seat in front of you so you don't have to pay checked baggage fees and you still fit a suitcase in the overhead compartment."

Also: "An ultimate feel fabulous moment is carrying a diaper bag which does not even really look like a traditional diaper bag."

What's more exciting than a really cool bag to cart around baby stuff?

Buying gender specific baby stuff because you know what you're having!

We find out this afternoon.

I hope you are bursting with as much excitement as we are.