Happy Birthday to Me. And Them.

I am officially twenty six years old.  Twenty six seems so.... anticlimatic.  Twenty five was a nice round number: a quarter of a century.  I really liked twenty five. 

But now I'm only two years away from my "golden birthday" and I suppose something magical should happen on that day and therefore, I look forward to being twenty eight. 

However, the mark of my birthday means that I am exactly:

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Three years older than Hilary Duff

Fifty years younger than Bridget Bardot

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Sixteen years younger than Naomi Watts

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Sixteen years older than Frankie Jonas

So happy birthday to my celebrity birthday sharers!  Hopefully you also got to have a delicious ice cream cake.  And, if you were really lucky, maybe you also got to go to the circus.

But it Happens Every Year

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I has a cold.  I should not be at all surprised seeing as how my birthday is Tuesday and nine times out of ten I am sick on my birthday.  I blame the changing of the seasons.  Which is, ironically, quite tragic because the weather is beautiful and yet it is too bright and fun outside for my sinuses to handle and so I hide in my cave of a family room hanging out with my box of tissues.

But, excessive mucus and all, there are things to be so very happy about.

Like, for example, the fact that Kyle went with me to the farmer's market Saturday morning and I bought a whole bag of peaches!  Oh sweet peaches!  They are divine.

And then, and then, he surprised me by taking me to the circus!  For my birthday!  THE CIRCUS!  Do you know that I am practically twenty six years old and had never before seen the circus?  It was truly fantastic, I must tell you.  The only downside is that I had not planned to be in large public places (outside of the farmer's market) and so not only did I not wear makeup, but I also did not even shower. (gasp!).  Gross, I know.  Sick me with my handy roll of toilet paper (in place of tissues) tucked away in my purse, sat smugly between rows and rows of little children and their light-up circus souvenirs. 

Later, Boise State managed to beat Oregon State and so all is right in the world. 

I would tell you wonderful things about Sunday but the entirety of Sunday resided in a cold-medicine fog and frankly I remember very little about Sunday. 

But I will always remember the elephants!

I am afraid of the flakes

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I absolutely detest soggy cereal.  There is just something about the texture of gooed up whole grains in milk that just makes me gag.  This is the reason I do not like flaky cereals.  I am afraid of the flakes.  Within seconds they turn into a gooey mass of carbohydrates, hell-bent on torturing my gag reflexes.  I do not like to gag.  Also, I do not like to puke, but that is a story for another day. 

Today I am thinking about cereal.  Perhaps it is because I am hungry at this very moment and wishing upon a star that I could have some milk in the fridge for which to have Cracklin' Oat Bran.  I looooove Cracklin' Oat Bran.  The Cracklin' Oat Bran is the perfect cereal because, you see, even when it has been sitting in milk for minutes, it is still crunchy.  Crunchy!  Yes, it looks like dog food and has more fiber than you can shake a stick at (and why wouldn't you?), but it is deliciously sweet and holds it's crunch.  But, sadly, at $4 a (small) box, it is a breakfast luxury and never lasts more than a day or two in my pantry. (It would be a sin to have just one bowl)

So tell me, are you afraid of the flakes too?  Or are you my friend Crystal who will forever live in infamy because she loves soggy cereal?

Once upon a time we had a first anniversary

Because our anniversary was on Sunday, we celebrated the day before.

(and also the day of)

Kyle knows how much I love sleep and food and therefore the whole day long was planned around these, my two favorite events.  Oh, and also the temple.

After sleeping in late (thank you, curtains, for being so good at blocking out light), we spent the afternoon at the Mount Timpanogos Temple.  It was the most wonderfully peaceful way to spend the day together.

We had just a couple hours before our dinner reservations, so we went home to hang out.  I was rather enjoying Uptown Girls (rest in peace Brittany Murphy) when Kyle insisted that I help him sort through mail.  "Uh, I'm busy watching a chick flick!" I wanted to yell, but instead I just complained and complained and when I finally got to the kitchen table I noticed an envelope addressed to me, indicating that I was now on a treasure hunt and this was the first clue.

Boy am I ever a big fat jerk.

The clues were funny and sweet (just like Kyle!) and took me all over the house.  The last clue instructed me to put an address in the GPS and follow it.  So we did.  And guess where it took us?

The Home freaking Depot!

So if you were at the Home Depot at approximately 4:00 pm on Saturday night and heard a girl dressed in heels squealing with delight, I can now tell you that it was me and I was squealing because Kyle bought me a paint sprayer!

See how happy I am?

He really knows what I want.

(I have SO many projects for this baby!)

We then found our way to The Melting Pot, only the most delicious of deliciousness you could ever dream up.

The cheese was amazing, the entrees were amazing (lettuce wraps.... so so), and the chocolate was to die for.

I may have even devoured the chocolate by the spoonful.

And licked my plate.

We totally died.

This is Kyle in a post-fondue food coma.  Because I love him so, I let him watch the last half of the Boise State game.  That was half my gift to him.  The other half was the gift that came in the mail a few weeks ago that he prematurely opened all by himself.

This is what I got him. 

It's called Table Topics and it's a game of questions that you can ask each other.  Nothing fancy, really, but it was great because Kyle is always wanting to ask each other questions, but I hate coming up with things to ask.  We spent hours going through the questions and learned a lot about each other!

Sunday was our "real" anniversary and Kyle surprised me with roses!  I surprised him with pot roast and potatoes and my very first yeasty rolls which turned out pretty amazing, if you ask me. 

It's a good thing we had already celebrated Saturday because after dinner, I napped for hours.  And Kyle watched football.  It was pretty much a perfect day.

Tradition holds that you're supposed to save the top of your wedding cake and eat it on your first anniversary. 

We are not ones to break tradition, so out came the cake!

Kyle thought it looked like a top hat...

Feel free to laugh. I did.

After my 2 1/2 hour nap (can't you tell I just woke up?), we sliced up the cake and reminisced about our wedding day.  It was actually still pretty good, I was quite surprised.  The only problem with it is it's vanilla cake (Kyle's choice) and the chocolate filling was not nearly enough chocolate for my taste.  But, then again, I let Kyle pick out the cake for our wedding.  After all, I picked out everything else : )

Part Three: The First Date and a DTR

Part Three: The First Date and a DTR

When Kyle picked me up for our first date, I took careful attention to the car he was driving: 

Olderish. 

Honda. 

Clean. 

I concluded from this evaluation that he wasn't an egomaniac, was conservative with his resources, and favored classic, reliable vehicles.  But then what was I to think about the hula girl adhered to his dashboard?

We first sought out the elusive Hobbitville and then headed to Park City for dinner and shopping.  On our way up the winding mountain roads to Park City, I read to Kyle the notes I had made about interpreting a crazy dream I recently had.  (I love to interpret my dreams)  As a result, I got ridiculously car sick and closed my eyes so as to not throw up on the hula girl.  Kyle silently wondered to himself what was wrong with this girl and why are her eyes closed?  Is she praying? 

For dinner, we decided on a local pizza and noodle place.  Kyle gave the name "Whitesnake" for which to identify our order and posed for pictures while waiting in line.  We discussed serious matters of importance over bbq chicken pizza and dr. pepper. 

Park City was freezing cold in October, but we walked around the shops and took pictures with the local "residents."  (Kyle loves to pose for pictures.  It's one of his many redeeming qualities)

Later we watched a movie and I think he held my hand.

After three more weeks of dates and possible hand-holding, Kyle was driving me home when he asked, "So, can I be your boyfriend?"

"Sure."

And a relationship was born.

Part Two: The Accidental Non Date. Also, a real date?

Part Two: The Accidental Non Date.  Also, a real date?

Sunday night came along and one by one everyone canceled on our after Conference dinner plans.  Everyone, that is, except for Kyle.  He called me to see if he could still come over with the food he'd already prepared.  I was starving like unto death and so I agreed.  Besides, how could I pass up a free meal and a cute boy?  I mean really, I do have some standards here. 

Kyle brought apricot chicken.  I made a salad.  We talked for hours.  He looked through my pictures and asked me question after question.  I told him about the time I randomly got my belly button pierced on vacation and he explained to me what Boise State was and why I should love them.  I call this our first non date.  And it happened by accident.

Before Kyle left that night he asked me if I would go shopping with him sometime.  "Uh, I love shopping.  Of course I'd go" I replied.  And so we had plans to go shopping.  Just... shopping.

Later in the week, I called Kyle to tell him I found a location for Hobbitville (!) and he asks me, "Are you ready for the best date of your life?!?" 

Date?  We're going on a date?  I thought we were just shopping.

But really I was happy.

After it became clear we had a first real date approaching, Kyle found it to be a good excuse to send me messages via Facebook.

Kyle October 8, 2008 at 11:01pm

I am happy with my purchase of my camera. Will you be the first picture I take?

Kourtney October 9, 2008 at 8:39am

haha, sure whatever you say (although I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be the FIRST picture you've taken with it)

Kyle October 9, 2008 at 9:17pm

Honestly I haven't taken a real picture yet. I'll bring my camera and we can take some cool pics. Maybe we will get stranded and then we can take pictures of us like half dead, then you can scrapbook them because you like to do that. You can cut out obituaries from the newspaper and tape them next to our pictures as stickers. A half death theme. Sound good? Hey when do you check your facebook not computer girl? Am I talking to Kourtney from the future who already bought one?

Kourtney October 9, 2008 at 10:02pm  

I get your messages sent to my phone. what are we doing tomorrow again? aside from taking death pictures

Part One: How We Met

I had a house full of bubbly twelve and thirteen year old girls and when I told them that Sunday is our one year anniversary, they demanded to see my wedding pictures.  While looking through our pictures one exclaims, "I'm so glad you like to kiss your husband!"
And I laughed.

So Sunday is our anniversary and to celebrate, I'm going to give you a multi-part narrative of how this all went down.  Enter Part One.

Part One: How We Met

This is Kristen. 
Kristen and I were mission companions on Temple Square and later became roommates.  I have Kristen to thank for all this because she is the one who introduced me to Kyle.

Kristen first met Kyle in college and years later (when she was my roommate) ran into him at a party and invited him to our apartment to hang out.  I was in the kitchen putting away groceries when I saw him walk in with Kristen.  Later, we bonded over both having double jointed knees and I let him sample the new hand lotion I bought.

The very next day, Kyle sent me a message on Facebook.
(What would we do without Facebook, I wonder?)

Kyle October 1, 2008 at 11:13pm
So....we are Facebook friends eh? This is a huge commitment. That means I get to write on your wall and know when you are in a relationship and look at pictures of you and know when its your birthday and read your quotes and all that good stuff. Are you sure you are ok with this. We are on our way to first base in the mormon culture. Actually Facebook is probably first base. Wow! Its been great so far! Ha ha

So sorry I talked your ear off on Tuesday night. I just like to ask questions. Sorry if I seemed nosey but I am really glad you answered all my questions. So I am coming over on Sunday after conference so you best be there. I know you are probably suppose to go check out hot boys at the mall with Sheri Dew but I think you should hang out with me and your roomies. We should maybe make homemade ice cream and play cards or do something cool. It pretty much could be the greatest day of your life. So what did you end up doing for your birthday?? Man I missed out. I could have jumped out of your cake. I could have either gave you the sexy 80's rocker outfit, or maybe the Human Resource teacher. Ha ha jk. I was running a special last month on the limited time Walmart Greeter outfit. Maybe next year eh? Should I pencil you in for an appointment next year?

(When I didn't respond fast enough to his first message, he came up with an excuse to send me another)

Kyle October 2, 2008 at 7:25am
Oh 1 more thing.....where did you say you bought your camera again and how much was it? I think I am going to buy one this weekend. Help a brotha out dog!

(Trying my best to play hard to get, I waited yet another day before responding) (I'm pretty sure this drove him crazy) (Which is exactly what I was going for)

Kourtney October 3, 2008 at 3:13pm

I bought it at RC Willey for like $200. I love it! I guess I'll be seein you sunday then. I think I'll be home... :)

A Sickness

photo by me

The D.I. and I were recently reunited and it was there that I procured for myself a new berry collander and a few Target sweaters.  I managed, somewhow, to pass up the Santa's sleigh and the collection of Mark Twain's short stories.  But I couldn't stop there.  I needed more!  So I searched craigslist and ksl and soon became the proud owner of a sofa table!  (I have been looking for a decent sofa table for weeks!  Weeks, I tell you!)  And now I can't stop. I want more!  Bring me moreYard sales! Bring me more thrift stores!  I need more junk treasures! 

If someone were to ask me to describe my perfect day, I would tell them: "There would be Kyle, beaches, and endless thrift stores!"  Also, maybe babies.  Fat, wobbly babies.  And sushi.

Speaking of endless thrift stores, Fort Collins has the very best row of flea markets I've ever been to.  I'm sure there are probably better places in the world, but I've yet to see them with my own eyes.  On our most recent trip to Colorado together, I made Kyle stop at the flea markets on our way into Fort Collins.  We had just come from three days of camping, hadn't seen a shower or proper plumbing in all that time, and my first stop had to be the flea markets.  Kyle lasted maybe 5 minutes before I sent him off with the car for an hour so I could browse in peace.  The ONLY reason I didn't buy anything is because I couldn't decide on just one thing.  Or even just two things.  And I still regret passing up that awesome black globe...

I think this is a sickness or something, this need to buy used goods.  It produces a high unlike anything else.  Tell me, do you have it too?  I know I can't be the only one!

How to Survive Football Season

we found this on our wedding day.  i believe it to be an omen of good fortune.

My friends, it is no secret that my husband loves sports.  To the extreme.  Extreme as in our wedding day and colors were a reflection of the Boise State football program.  Extreme as in our first born son will be named after a Boise State quarterback.

This sports fanaticism bothers me little except when Project Runway is on.  Or I need a back scratch.  Because in the sacred order of all things married, football apparently out-ranks Project Runway.  And back scratches.  However, this is all fine and well when you remember that football season produces a very happy and energetic husband. 

It is my advice to learn to deal with it, because fighting it just doesn't ever end well.  And for all you who are also married (or soon to be married!) to football fanatics, I give you my guide to surviving football season:

1.  If possible, purchase your husband his own TV to go in a room far away from you.

2.  Use his newly directed attention to your advantage.  For example, this would be a good time to spring unpleasant things on him because he is not really listening to you anyway.  Accidentally dropped your cell phone in the toilet?  Mention it casually (when his team is winning) in between plays and when his attention is most focused on the game.  He will likely respond with a blank nod and possibly a wave of the hand.

3.  Turn football TV time into a bargaining chip.  For example: "You can watch four hours of football if you will watch The Notebook with me tomorrow night.  And scratch my back."  After all, it's only fair.

4.  Watch and listen to him closely during intense moments of the game and document them via a public blog for you to giggle about later.  He likely has no idea what he is really shouting at the TV.

5.  Get involved too!  Even if just a little bit.  The more I learn about the game and the players (and which one is dating the Kardashian of the moment), the more entertaining it is for me to actually watch with him.  I figure, he is going to be watching football with or without me and sometimes I'd rather it be with me.  Other times... it's better he watch alone.

6.  Indulge in your own hobbies.  Preferably ones that don't involve the TV and/or the room the TV is in.  Alternately, see #1.

7.  Join his fantasy football league and be prepared to hear unending statistics about all your players during the game.  (Warning: if your team happens to beat his, he will not be particularly pleased.)

8.  Make a paper chain to mark the end of the football season.

9.  Put your best homemaker foot forward and start planning an awesome Super Bowl party.

10.  Start a support group and invite sympathetic friends and their own sports-freak husbands over during game day. 

the end.

p.s. this marks my 200th post! fun, huh?

Fluff. Pigs. Spices. Also, Funnel Cakes.

There is so much fluff in my head right now I can hardly think.  It's making me motion sick, all this thinking.  To make matters worse, I walked into the Anthropologie today and smelled the most wonderful coconut something candle I have ever smelled and now I long to smell it more.  Someone please buy me the $18 candle so I can be at peace.  Also, my birthday is actually in eighteen days.  Just in case you forgot or something. 

But isn't September the best?  It's the end of much-too-hotness but still not quite into the much-too-coldness and then there's the leaves changing and the crispy breezes and pumpkin flavored everything!  (Read here about how much I love pumpkin flavored everything)  Which reminds me, I still need to try the pumpkin Hershey kisses.  Again, birthday=eighteen days.  Just FYI.

September, like the first day of school, marks the beginning of good things and wonderful firsts.  It's like a second January, when you feel a fresh start coming on.  At any rate, I forgot where I was going with that.  All that head fluff, you know. 

Speaking of beginnings and crispy things, have you been to Pig & Pepper yet?  You should go there right this minute and then come back here and tell me wonderful things that will make me not so anxious about the 36 pairs of leggings and the dozen or so handbags I just ordered to add to my loot in time for this boutique show you definitely should go to.  Or you may also recommend a delicious pumpkin something or other for me to try--that always calms my nerves.

And in case you are wondering why I chose a pig and a spice to represent my collection of accessories for sale, I will tell you the answer.  The answer is chapter eleven of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.  Have you read it?  I love it.  It's delightfully whimsical and strange and mostly comprehensible.  It's full of nonsense and wonderfulness and upside down backwardsness.  It's the very best thing to read when your head is full of fluff and that is all you really need to know. 

Kyle told me yesterday he thinks Pig & Pepper sounds like I'm selling seasoned pork.  And I guess, maybe, in a way, you could say I am.  I don't know.  Try to find some logic in that, why don't you? 

But if you are to remember two things today, remember first to go visit Pig & Pepper and remember second that funnel cakes are the very next best thing to pumpkin flavored everythings.  And tonight, Kyle is taking me to the fair and there will be funnel cakes at the fair, to be sure.

Hot Pockets and a Husband-Sitter, Maybe?

Today's email from Kyle:
If you were a breakfast, you would be a HOT pocket. Will you go out with me on Friday night?

I am here to profess my devotion to my husband by telling you all that I gave him the remote promptly at 6:30 p.m. before Project Runway was even over just so he could watch the official start of the NFL season.  I even made him homemade mac and cheese to energize his bones for the "big game."  Also, I attentively listened to all his NFL player facts even when he goes on and on for a long time and I'm not sure what he is talking about anymore.  I mean really, am I good, or am I good? 

Sometimes though I think Kyle forgets I'm his wife and not his guy friend sports buddy who cares about all these little silly facts.  Does he not notice the blank stare on my face?  I have a sports stats threshold and I think he just crossed it.  Oh.  I'm typing this as he's talking and I think he just figured it out.  He just said to me, "I love to talk about sports.  I come home to my wife who will talk to me about purses, but not sports!  I need a son." 

It's true, I did talk to him about purses during the first three commercial breaks but I think I noticed him twitching so I stopped.

Poor Kyle, he needs a son to come home to who will listen to all his sports talk.  I want to remind him that even if we have a son sometime in the not too distant future, it will be several years before he can talk sports with him.  But maybe we'll have one of those child prodigies who learns to talk when he's a year old.  And then he'll be throwing touchdowns by age three.  Is there a gene for that, I wonder?

I think what would be a good idea is to have a husband-sitter.  You know, just a guy who loves sports who will come and sit on our couch and watch sports with Kyle all evening long and have coherent conversations about their fantasy teams.  And NCAA regulations.  And Brett Favre's commitment issues.  And other some such things. 

But until that day, I will continue to listen attentively to all Kyle's NFL player facts and other sports jargon because I love him and he listens to me talk about purses and he may have called me a hot pocket today.  Also, he's just so fun when he's excited like unto a child, even if it is about things like football.

Laborphobia

It all began with the kickoff of the BYU/Washington football game. 

Location: Lavell Edwards Stadium
Date: Saturday, September 4, 2010
5:00 p.m.   Kickoff
5:08 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy a drink
5:10 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy cotton candy
5:11 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy kettle corn
5:13 p.m.   Beg Kyle to buy ice cream
7:30 p.m.   Kyle buys me a Diet Coke. 
                  A caffeine-free Diet Coke. 
                  *Sigh*
8:15 p.m.   We leave the game with 5 minutes left to beat the traffic
9:00 p.m.   We finally leave Provo (we did not exactly beat the traffic).
                  Head for the Uinta National Forest to find a particular campsite and
                  camping friends.    
                  Armed with GPS, Google Maps, and a few text messages
9:30 p.m.    Beg Kyle to stop at KFC in Heber City
                  He obliges. 
                  We consume several dozen ounces of caffeinated beverages.
                  Also, chicken.
11:24 p.m.  Witness burning trailer.
11:30 p.m.  There are no rest stops. 
                  Beg Kyle to pull over on the side of a road. 
                  That is all.
12:00 a.m.  Miraculously, we find the campsite.
                  And the camping friends. 
                  Set up our tent.
                  Patch the air mattress.
                  Freeze the remainder of the night.

Location: Somewhere in the Uintas
Date: Sunday, September 5, 2010
8:00 a.m.    Delicious breakfast.
11:20 a.m.  A trip to "town"
12:15 p.m.  Hot dogs and Phase 10 in the back of the truck.
3:07 p.m.   "Rafting" on the lake.
7:03 p.m.    Delicious dutch oven dinner.
10:30 p.m.  Put on all remaining articles of clothing and proceed to freeze the remainder of
                  the night.

Location: Somewhere in the Uintas
Date: Monday, September 6, 2010
6:30 a.m.    Give up all hope of sleeping in and begin to revive feeling in appendages.
9:00 a.m.    Pack up all of camp and turn on car heater to full blast.

Location: Home
Date: Monday, September 6, 2010
11:30 a.m.   Arrive at home.  Destinkify all persons and belongings.
5:30 p.m.     Welcome friends for the Boise State/Virginia Tech football game.
8:48 p.m.     Sweat profusely.
9:00 p.m.     Celebrate victorious Boise State win.
                    Watch as Kyle falls on the kitchen floor with pure joy.
11:00 p.m.   Go to bed alone because Kyle is still beaming over victory

How was your holiday weekend?

Is there any cure for sore butt bones?

For as much as I complain about cyclists on the road, I am embarrassed to admit that I have become one of "them."  Pretty much this summer-turned-fall weather is perfect for bike riding and I am loving it.  My butt, however, is not so much loving it.  Tell me, is there any cure for the sore butt bones that bike riding causes? 

This time I ventured farther down the nearby trail than I ever had before.  It was adventurous and lovely.  The late afternoon sun warmed the breeze along the river, my senses filled with the smells of animals past and present, my awareness heightened by the constant leaping of grasshoppers into my face (have I mentioned how much I hate them?)  (I only screamed once when one landed on my sunglasses, but no one was around to notice anyway)

I waved hello to the old gray mare in the sunflower field and offered evening salutations to the cow along the trail.  Bike riding is a good time for thinking and contemplating the more delicate things in life:

Could my butt bones ever possibly recover from all this bike riding? 

This time last year I was in the last few weeks of planning our wedding! 

Why did I ever think it was a good idea to date that loser guy?

And that other loser guy?

I'm so glad to be done with dating. 

Marriage is so great, especially when Boise State wins important games.

Is anyone going to buy all these leggings I just ordered?

I'm not even going to make dinner tonight.

I love the camera inside my phone.

I returned home after an hour of sensory exploration to find that flies had reproduced in my kitchen.  Is there anything more disgusting than a kitchen full of flies?  I think not.  Well, only maybe when fly guts are smeared across the kitchen window.

"You say shark I say hey man"

The weather is cooler and the grasshoppers have disappeared which means it's time to go ride bikes!  Kyle had been saving his pennies for a new bike so now we can take long, romantic bike rides in the country. 

(But not before he made me buy a new helmet)  (Safety first, you know)

However, our first long, romantic bike ride together did not turn out quite so long.  Or romantic.  You see, Kyle rode his new bike home and I met him halfway on my bike.  Only, by the time I got to him my tires were flat and his handlebars were so loose they were falling off.  And our ride off into the sunset turned into a race to get home before Kyle lost his handlebars which left me far behind in all my flat-tire glory.

Very unromantic.

But do you know what is very romantic?

Workin' hard for the money.

In a pickle suit.

I love the man inside that suit.

Bonus points if you know what the title is from!